Neon Lights

Chapter 12 - Stand in the Rain

•Dean's POV• [ h e l l a ]
---------------------------
December 1, 1967
7:03 p.m.
---------------------------

I kicked an empty bottle down the street angrily, hearing it break satisfyingly on a streetlamp. How did this even happen? Why? We were so good together, why is everyone out to get us?

And why did my Castiel give up so easily? He was strong-willed and unbeatable not even a month ago, and now he physically avoids me like the plague. Just like that, he's given up on me.

Shows how much that bitch cares.

I wish I could hate him, but it's hard because I don't. I just want him back here, in my arms, with me. I want to feel his lips on mine again. It's been a month since the last time I kissed him, and I miss it. Just one more time, one more...

I found myself outside The Dime. What better way to deal with depression than destroying one's liver? I walked in, the yelling and smashing glass filling my ears, and the musk of smoke and alcohol filling my lungs like poison.

Looks like my gang isn't here. It is seven o'clock on a Sunday. Good thing too - I'm really not in the mood for talking to anyone, I just want to wallow in a pool of beer and blood and my own tears and die.

I sat on a bar stool, "Get me a shot."

The barista - a nice-looking young blonde girl - poured the shot and leaned on her elbows, "What's wrong champ? Relationship gone to shit?"

"You could say that," I rolled my eyes, downing the drink and sliding the shot glass to her for more.

"It won't help much but," she slid me another shot, "I won't charge you tonight. You look like you have enough on your plate."

I looked at her, twirling the now-empty glass around on the table, "You're a kind girl, y'know."

She smiled, "It's the least I can do. You're the first guy to come in here who didn't immediately hit on me."

"Like I said, relationship troubles," I grimaced, "Still hoping he'll return. Doubt it."

She stopped dead just before pouring another shot and slowly put the vodka bottle down. "He?" She blinked a few times, "That explains a lot."

I hung my head. Idiot! "Guess you won't serve me now. I'll go. Should I pay? Or--"

"Sit your ass back down," she ordered, "I don't give a damn who's in your bed. Just took me by surprise."

I sat back down, "You're a kind girl, as I said. Big heart. I'm Dean, Dean Winchester. And I'm into girls too, just right now, it's a guy."

"Right, Winchester," she hummed, "I hear about you from them greasers. Dallas Winston and that Johnny kid. I'm Joanna Beth Harvelle, pleasure to finally meet you."

"Well, Joanna Beth," I took another shot, "Pleased to meet you too."

"Call me Jo," she insisted, "And if you're planning on getting tipsy, you'll need something stronger. I'll crack open the tequila."

It didn't take long for me to get thoroughly intoxicated. I wasn't fully drunk - Jo made sure of that - but she let me get buzzed to feel happy for a few hours.

I stumbled into my house and dropped my keys on the floor, picked them up, and shut the door. I think. I stumbled up to my room - tripping on the stairs, of course - and slammed that door.

"Dean? Dean what the fuck?" I heard Dad's voice as he knocked on my door, "Are you drunk again? For fuck's sake, Dean!"

I opened the door, "Leave me alone dad. I'm fine."

To prove my point I slammed the door in his face. He forced his way in anyway, turning on the light to find me faceplanted on my mattress.

"This has been going on a month, Dean," he hissed, "You've always been bad but lately it's out of hand! Is it about that Castiel kid--?"

I glared at him, "Don't you dare say his name. And turn the fucking light off. Let me sleep."

I vaguely heard Dad mutter "Language..." before shutting the lights violently and slamming the door behind him. I hate frustrating him all the time, I hate being the bad kid, but I'm really not in the mood for his shit right now.

I wrapped up in the blankets and realized they still, after all this time, faintly smell like Cas. If I pressed my nose into the folds, I could smell his warm and inviting scent. I started to drunk-cry. Fuck this.

I don't know how long it took, but I eventually drunk-cried myself to sleep with one thought on my mind.

Castiel Novak.

***

I woke up hungover and feeling like shit. My cheeks were stiff and crusty with dry tears and my lips were cracked and chapped. My mouth tastes like ass, and my head feels like it's been squished under a train.

I hate the morning after.

You did this to me, I thought bitterly, go to Hell, Castiel. I can't do this much longer. I may as well drown myself in the sea. That sounds like fun.

I need a walk. I didn't even bother changing, I just walked out without a hello or a goodbye to Sam or Dad. Fuck them, I'm sick of bending over backwards for people anyway.

I kicked stones down the pavement and ignored the biting chill. Fucking December, fuck off! I don't have time for your cold shit. All this mayhem has gnawed away at my insides, leaving me an empty shell. You know when some people say they want to feel happy? I'd be glad to feel at all.

"Hey, Lose-Chester!"

Oh not these douchebags again. "Look, I'm hungover, tired as fuck, sadder than an angel without mojo, and angrier than an abused rottweiler. I suggest you leave me alone today."

They just laughed, "Oh, he's hungover, cause his boyfriend dumped him!"

On point, my friend, on point. "No. Hungover because I drank, dumbass."

This, today, will not end well.

**Tired as fuck

Dean is literally me rn

Well the emptiness thing is me all the time but let's not go into my depression story

Yes I'm depressed SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER

Really though. I'm a pansexual in an anti-gay family, most people hate me, my family hates me, I'm a disappointment to everyone I meet, and that's why I don't know why people like my stories. Why?! I NO UNDERSTAND.

I DON'T DESERVE IT *rips hair out*

*sigh* periods.

On a lighter note, almost 1K reads :3 *squigglessss*

Song: "Stand in the Rain" by Superchick

A song which also explains me, along with Boulevard of Broken Dreams and Life of the Party.

Remember, y'all just keep being y'all!

Keep sending in your awesome requests and reviews and JUST YOUR AMAZINGNESS!
DANKE GUYS!

xoxo, Garnent•.•**