TextPal

32

(Trigger warning- Mentions of scars and past self-harm. descriptive suggestive implications of thoughts of self-harm)

Roman stumbled through the house using muscle memory to find his usual hideout as the tears blurred his vision. His hand slipped as he opened the door making him tumble in only to catch himself on the bathroom sink. He stared at his reflection as he shook. How many times had he been here in this spot? How many times had he just stared at his reflection and cried? How many times had he gone farther?

His fingers fumbled over his shirt taring it off until he was just standing there in a muscle shirt shaking horribly. His fingers twitched and itched with that familiar feeling he thought he had worked past. 

"Damn it!" Roman cried as he fell back until he was sitting on the edge of the tub. Last time he had Kai. When he lost Damien and Ameilia, Kai was there to help him. He even had Damien at one point before everything started turning dark. Now he didn't have anyone. His heart was shattering in his chest. Everything burned in him. He felt like he was dying. He just wanted it all to stop. No... He just wanted the reason for the pain to stop. Virgil... 

He absentmindedly scratched at his arm as curled up in pain. He loved his brother. He did. He's happy for him... happy for them both but... that scene out there only made him hurt. Seeing the love and pure joy in the two of them as they kissed... Roman wanted that. He needed that. He hated that he couldn't just pull Virgil in and hold him tight until the world faded to black. It was taring him apart.

He pulled his phone out and broke remembering why he had to get a new one. He fucked up. He fucked up big time. He's never going to be with Virgil, not the way he wants. It's over... It's... It's over.

DeadInside: AuRa

He didn't understand why he sent the code. To be totally honest even if Virgil responded he wouldn't have text back. He was done. Everything hurt and he just wanted it to stop. He pushed himself up as he put himself into the tub and frowned. His arms itched bad and he knew what it was about. He just sat there hugging his knees as he sobbed violently. His phone never went off again. He never got a text. And that hurt so much more than anything... 

Virgil was so adamant about never responding he didn't even care about the fact that Roman just sent him the code word. It really is over. He fucked up. That's all there is to it. Virgil hates him. He's only being nice because he has to. Virgil doesn't know he knows so obviously he's saving face. It's over.

There's no getting past this. Roman bit his lip harshly as he forced his hands not to move. The dull ache in the back of his mind was pushing prodding in that oh so familiar way, it only made him cry more. He needed Virgil... 

and Virgil just ignored the code word.

"Roman?" The broken actor heard the door open and he curled up, even more, ignoring the broken breathy sigh. "Ro... What's wrong?"

"He hates me." Roman gripped his hair so tightly as he stared blankly at nothing. "He hates me. He hates me. He hates me. He hates me." Roman didn't know who it was that was there but at that moment he was too lost in the pain. He couldn't breathe. Every time he tried it brought only pain. "He hates me. He hates me."

"Roman, I need you to..." Virgil froze up seeing the scars on Roman's arm and his eyes began to tear up. "Roman, can you breathe for me?" Roman shook his head as Virgil stepped into the tub. He moved himself behind Roman so that he could hold the man as he cried. "Roman, please?"

"Why... It just hurts. Everything hurts." Virgil wrapped his arms around Roman and pulled him into his chest. "He hates me. I know he hates me. He didn't even respond. He has to hate me." 

"I don't hate you, Roman." The actor tensed up as Virgil buried his head into him. "I don't hate you."

"V-Virgil?" Virgil held him tighter as he ran his hand through his actor's hair. Cascading his fingers through the bleach blonde hair seemed to serve him more than it did to calm Roman down but even still Virgil didn't stop.

"I don't hate you. I don't know what has upset you so but... I know I don't hate you." Roman gripped Virgil's arm tightly as he cried. This was heartbreaking. The two sat there... Or well Virgil sat there with Roman laid into his lap just crying as if the world was literally ending. "Roman, please breathe for me."

"I don't understand." Roman shook in Virgil's arm like a leaf in a hurricane. "Why is it that no one actually likes me."

"Roman, that's not true." Virgil could feel his own tears falling as they just stayed in that embrace. "Patton cares for you. Remus loves you. Remy, Emile... even Cassidy cares."

"Not the one person I want to. It means nothing when I'm still alone." 

"Roman, I don't hate you." Virgil was trying to hold back his own panic as he tried to comfort Roman. "I care about you too, Ro."

"You're avoiding me." Virgil sighed as he hugged Roman even tighter afraid the man would break right there in his arms. "You've been avoiding me for a whole month." It was clear just how upset Roman was. His voice shook. The tears never stopped. He sounded angry but his grip on Virgil never lessened as if telling the man he couldn't leave. He could not leave, or else Roman would shatter into a million and one-pieces. "What did I do... to make you hate me?"

"Roman... I don't hate you." Virgil hiccuped through his own tears as the two laid there in each others arms. "You did nothing wrong. You were the bestest friend I ever had." Virgil ignored the tears that fell from his eyes as he watched Roman narrowed his. They were so dull and lifeless he doubted Roman was even aware this was all going on. For all he knew Roman had blacked out from the emotional pain. "I care too much about you and that's the problem Roman."

"Don't... Don't lie just to make me feel better. I can't go through that again. I can't..."

"Roman, listen to me." Virgil put his hand over Roman's eyes as he took Roman's hand and placed it over his heart. "I do not hate you. I am not lying. You have done nothing wrong... and I am never doing this to you again." Virgil slowly moved his hand away to find Roman's eyes had closed and he frowned. The man was so worked up he literally conked out. Normally Virgil would have laughed but he himself was not doing so well. Virgil fumbled for his phone and sighed.

Fallin4aPrince: Dad, I need you.
AddictedtoBerry: Kiddo? What's wrong?

Fallin4aPrince: I am in need of a major Morality moment...

Fallin4aPrince: Scratch that... Roman is.

AddictedtoBerry: Where are you right now?

Fallin4aPrince: The last bathroom on the first floor... in the tub.
AddictedtoBerry: On my way... Do you need anything?

Fallin4aPrince: Nah... Just you.

Virgil frowned as he scrolled through his phone for one of his newer contacts. As much as he hated to have to use it already. He made a promise.

Fallin4aPrince: Prinxiety

Don't ask why they came up with that for the code word but at a moment like this Virgil really wasn't thinking about its stupidity or the fact that Kai said it was practically their ship name.

Pain: Virgil what happened?
Pain: Roman didn't hurt himself, did he?

Virgil couldn't help but cringe. Kai had made him fully away from what Roman had done in the past and it only made him hurt more.

Fallin4aPrince: No. He didn't. But he isn't well, Kai. I'm having Patton drive us back to the motel.
Pain: Ok... I'll be waiting.
Pain: And Virgil... whatever caused this attack... Don't blame yourself.