Revolution || Lashton AU - boyxboy

t h i r t y

This is a rollercoaster start to finish.

Also, dedicated to irwindxrling because Paige is so so so so so sweet to me and I so so so so so don't deserve it and basically, I love her lots, and I think you would too. She's quite lovely. ;)

{Unedited}

{{And probably really horrible}} 

Ashton

It felt like an eternity that I'd spent curled up with Luke.

He'd fallen asleep a few hours ago, but I couldn't manage. Sleeping through my problems was the only thing I was good at and I couldn't even do that.

So instead, I just sat there and kind of just admired what he was like. And I can remember the other day when Nate told me that I could check for needle scars on Luke's arm, if I didn't believe him. And so I checked. And they were there.

And despite the way my stomach churned a bit and the somewhat exaggerated cringe, I didn't feel how I thought I'd feel. I thought I'd feel more, more betrayed. More angry. More... Not this.

And I admit I was mad. Very. But it wasn't the same kind of mad as usual. It wasn't like, burning rage like it usually is. I was just angry that it had to be Luke. It had to.

I rolled onto my back away from him, taking our already-intertwined arms and pulling his towards me. And there were a few marks - Not many, though. I assume he'd use the same spot once it healed up. And I admit that I shivered at the thought because yeah, I like to think of myself as a pretty tough guy. But needles are just... Not my forte.

I kind of traced and stroked the scars and sighed a breath of relief because, thank God, there didn't seem to be any new ones. Granted heroin wasn't exactly my area of expertise, but I think I knew enough from experience with, well, you know. Her.

And I don't really know what I did, but something I did seemed to wake him straight from his slumber. He opened his eyes and groggily smiled at me, before taking notice to my actions and dropping the grin.

"Ashton..." He croaked, clearly taken by surprise as he attempted to retract his arm.

I just held it in place, twining my fingers in with his and giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"No, I-- It's okay." I said, a bit shakily. "I mean, it will be. I'm coming to terms with it."

Luke just sighed, and though I didn't want to pity him because God, does that suck, but I did. Just for a split second.

"I, um, I don't do it anymore. Which you can probably tell, by the lack of scabs and everything." He said a bit dryly and tastelessly. "I go to NA meetings, get my piss tested, the whole bit."

"You? Go to NA meetings?" I pondered, not meeting his eyes.

"I-- Yeah. Whole month clean." He said, smiling very small, before fishing one of those sobriety chips out of his back pocket and handing it to me.

"A month ago? That was like, like... Like Christmas." I choked, not wanting to cross any borders but at the same time knowing I didn't exactly do a good job.

"Ash..." He said with oceans in his eyes, quite frankly looking like he'd just been punched in the gut.

"Coming to terms. Like I said." I said like chalk, turning my head from him so he couldn't do that thing where he deciphers my whole being by the look on my face.