Revolution || Lashton AU - boyxboy

t h i r t y - o n e

This chapter was supposed to be deep but instead it turned out not making a whole lot of sense I don't think.

Also I just wanted to say something real quick because I know I have a trigger warning on the cover page not because of any typical triggers, but more so for Ashton's dryness and the things he says and his lack of filters and the darkness to some of the things he says. And so I just want to remind everyone just in case that just because Ashton says something in this story, doesn't mean it's true. And so if he starts to talk about a subject that might be taken heavily by some people, know that it doesn't mean he's right and you should surely not listen to any of the harsh things he says because Ashton is a fucked up character, and though there's nothing wrong with being fucked up like that, a lot of the things he says come from me and I don't want anyone to take them too seriously. I hope you understood the gyst of what I was saying, because it's not exactly easy to explain.

{Unedited}

Ashton

It's kind of a really shitty thing, having something and then losing it, and trying to convince yourself that you'll be okay without it.

Because honestly, I often find it hard to differentiate between necessities and desires. Because sometimes you can desire something so much that it begins to feel like a necessity, like you can't thrive without. And trying to convince yourself that the desire that feels like a necessity is only a desire, isn't what I'd call a walk in the park.

Nevertheless, staying cooped up in an attempt to avoid your problems is most definitely not the answer, and will probably not work out well in your favor, because they'll just come knocking on your door to pester you.

So rather, the best choice is to find somewhere to get wasted out of your mind so you can, at least temporarily, forget the majority of your problems. And once you're the right amount of wasted, your biggest problem will be not being able to properly hold a glass.

But even then, there's always duct-tape. Just saying.

Anyways, my preferred choice is a bar. That is probably the best place you can go to get wasted and clear your mind of the things that are trying to rip you open. The perfect hiding spot.

Because if you're out drinking and it gets to a point where the pain of your problems has built up too much and you can't handle anymore of the pressure on the inside of your skull, well, drink a little more. Because clearly, you're not drunk enough.

Nate used to always say this thing to me back in my darker days, that went somewhere along the lines of, "Sometimes you have to have it and lose to understand how much you need it."

I think it's safe to say that he stopped saying that around the same time he stopped liking Luke.

Isn't that such a sick thing? People can sit there and cheer you on from the sidelines while you're kicking ass, but the minute you start losing, they take a few steps back and quiet down. The minute you start to show a bit of sportsmanship, you get shot down and nobody feels like cheering for you anymore.

Luke was the winning team and I was, quite obviously, the losing team. So I chased him around and cheered for him and everyone else was silent, because we live in a world where it's good to do the right thing unless the right thing results in anything but a victory.

Anyways, if you hadn't guessed, I was in a bar. Brian's bar. It was a bit crowded, a bit claustrophobic, but bar all the same so really, who was I to complain?