Revolution || Lashton AU - boyxboy

f o r t y - s i x

You guys make me so happy :-)

Luke

It wasn't easy falling asleep that night.

My head was clouded with thoughts of Vinny and Ashton and everything in between.

I couldn't help but lay awake in Vinny's bed, both too frightened and too sad to sleep.

This was the same bed that I'd spent two years of my life sleeping in. This was the same bed I was in when I told Vinny I loved him for the first time. This was the same bed I was in when I realized for the first time that there was actually someone out there who believed in me. 

And so they say when you die, your life flashes before your eyes. But how many times do you die, exactly? How many versions of yourself are killed off and destroyed so that a new one can be born and take its place? How many lives actually flash before your eyes?

Because Vincent belonged to a whole different life than this one.

And then there was the life with Ashton. 

The life where someone actually made me feel strong. The life where I didn't feel small and pathetic and invisible and cowardly. The life where someone thought that I were smart and beautiful and amazing. For what felt like the first time ever.

But I was dying again.

Like the lifetime with Ashton was flashing before my eyes and I was being fucking born again.

And I didn't want that.

No one would ever wanted that.

Ashton was the page that I couldn't stop going back and reading over and over again. The page that kept me from moving forward in the story. My favorite page of the book so far.

Like, you know when you're reading a book, and you get to the most amazing part you've read, and everything's fallen perfectly into place, but there's hundreds of pages left in the book and everything in you is just screaming, "this can't be good"? But you can't just stop there, and put the book down, and never ever touch it again. You have to get to the end. It's an inevitable process all lead by the extraordinarily potent curiosity of the human race. You have to know how it ends, even if you might not like it.

I didn't want there to be anymore to the story.

I wanted it to end already. 

I hated this book. The author was terrible.

When I woke up in the morning, I was on the brink of an anxiety attack. I didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to be on this page. I want to be with Ashton. I didn't like that he'd gone away. I missed him so much I felt like my lungs were on fire.

And here I was sitting here eating a breakfast of burnt coffee and runny eggs with Vinny in a terribly uncomfortable silence.

"Hey Luke?" Vinny finally shattered the silence.

"Yeah?" I croaked, not meeting his eyes.

He didn't say anything for a moment - just stared down at his lap. 

"Where's Ashton?" he finally blurted out.

I choked slightly. "What?"

He chuckled sarcastically, dropping his fork and allowing it to clatter rather loudly against the plate. "Come on, Luke. You and I both know that if Ashton were still around, you wouldn't be here with me."

I winced. "I don't know."

"What?"

"I don't know where he is."