Revolution || Lashton AU - boyxboy

t w e n t y - e i g h t

So I ought to start off by saying this was a last minute idea/chapter and is probably not very good and consists 90% of dialogue and not much else.

I also wanted to say that this chapter's a bit more serious. I know a lot of you guys tend to take things away from this story and I know this because you tell me that, and I have actually had people tell me that this story like, helps them in a way and when I hear that my first reaction is "Oh god how" but then when I think about it that actually makes me so happy I usually start to cry. Because I've never felt special like that and I hate to use the word special, but it's true. I've never felt like I made any difference in anyone's life, let alone a positive one, so if this story actually makes any positive impact on your life or even just your day, I want to say thank you for making me feel important like that. Because that's not really a feeling I'm familiar with. Honestly, just thank you to anyone who even reads this because even that alone makes me so happy I could cry.

So anyways, what I'm trying to say is that if any of you take anything from this book to heart or mind, I hope it's this chapter. Specifically. Because this is all stuff I've struggled with and these are all thoughts I've had for a while now and I just want to get it out there the best that I can, because it's so so so important.

Happy reading, you guys.

It'd been a little while.

Not too long, only about a week or so.

I hadn't seen Luke at all, nor had I seen much of Nate when I wasn't sleeping or crying or slamming around. That's the problem with all my meds: They all seemed to fix one problem but create another to follow along right after.

And it seemed like just a matter of seconds before I started having another meltdown and Nate was bursting into the room with Luke on his tail, telling me everything was going to be okay and to just stay calm while he got my meds, and then we were all just standing in a little circle while I was crying and Nate was crying and Luke wasn't quite crying but looked like he might.

So I took this pity-party moment to let everything go and just croak out, "I just want to be normal, Nate. That's all I want. Nothing more, nothing less. I just want to be normal. This disease isn't normal."

And everything was just so convoluted and I could barely even think, and so I couldn't even react when I watched Nate's crying face twist to a slightly sharper, angrier look that almost sort of scared me.

"Well, I'm sorry Ashton, but you can't. Okay? You don't get to have that." He said a bit sharply, but there were tears running down his face to match mine and the whole aura of this situation was just a big, jumbled mess of everything, and none of it made sense and God, oh God, did my head hurt.

I didn't know how to react to his words, so I found myself just sitting there. I just sat there with my dull, lifeless self and start at the ground and I thought I might start a puddle beneath my feet from the tears.

"I know it sucks, Ashton. It fucking sucks. And I know you must think I'm being just a senseless prick, right now, and you're probably right. I won't deny that. But you have to learn to just get the fuck over it. Because you're not normal. You've never been normal, and you will never be normal." He snapped, before wiping at his eyes with his sleeves.

"You don't get it, Nate. You don't know what it's like to be this fucked up. You don't understand what it's like to constantly be wishing you were born in a different life, as a different person, or God forbid not born at all. You don't get it." I sniffled, but no matter how much I tried, the worn cotton of my sweater couldn't wipe away the flood of everything and then nothing at all.