Revolution || Lashton AU - boyxboy

t h i r t y - s e v e n

Oops, my hand slipped.

A late night work for you, just in case your heart wasn't ravished enough already.

PS This is probably really poorly written and I probably made so many errors in here bc it's late and I can barely function

Also if you need a song to listen to for this chapter I recommend The Way by Zack Hemsey bc it's wicked intense and it's what I listened to to write this chapter so yeah and the instrumental version is way better

{Unedited}

Ashton

There are so many moments.

So many ticks of the clock, so many car rides, so many touches, so many words, so many songs, so many movies, so many people, so many places to see, so many things to do, so many breaths to take.

But as every heartbeat ends, so must each moment.

And so in this moment, at 5:34 in the morning, when the sun has yet to peak over the skyline and darkness still submerges the city despite all the lights, where Luke is sleeping peacefully on my chest with one arm gripping to my side for dear life and the other trapped mercilessly beneath my naked back, with his hair ruffled messily and tickling my chin, how the world feels softer than the inside of a new sweater, I know it must come to an end.

I know that no matter how much I want it, I do not get to keep it.

There's going to be a point that could be just seconds away, where he'll wake from his slumber and the moment that was nothing more than a void to him but everything in the universe to me, will be gone and destroyed and broken because he'll be too exhausted and absorbed in his own happenings to remember that it might mean something to me.

So perhaps rather than waiting for him to break the moment that's molded in gold and velveteen, I must find it in me to do that on my own.

All the things buzzing and rumbling and hammering away at the interior of my skull, all the words and the ideas and the moments rotting the walls of my brain, all the thoughts and the horrors and the demons that rule the deepest parts of my mind at the earliest parts of the day, will eventually take over my senses and I'll have no choice than to tear myself from this moment and deal with them.

Because the demons, well, they don't need to sleep. And they couldn't care less that I do.

So after wasting a few of these crucial moments, I'd squirmed my way out of Luke's tight hold on me and decided that perhaps it would be better if he didn't wake to a moment to break, if perhaps I could use the moments I had right now to do something more productive than to prepare myself for the worst of the morning.

So, as said, I'd pulled myself away from him and was now seated on the edge of the rumpled, white sheets wrapped neatly on the bed only to be ravished by us two careless souls, and I was contemplating doing one thing I never imagined myself caring enough to do.

My mind was filled with nothing but a smog comprised of all the events of the past week, from my visit with Harry to the accidental exchange of three poisonous words last night, and everything just seemed so gentle and so fragile and just so breakable.

And I was so scared.

I was terrified.

And I picked up the phone and dialed the number that had called me somewhat recently, and my stomach churned at the need to dial this number in the first place. Because I didn't need to know the answer the question that was clawing at the edges of my mind, but I didn't imagine that I could live out the rest of my life not knowing the answer.