Sweet Mustard (honey mustard)

Fishy business

-Edge's POV-

I make my way through the snow, my scarf fluttering behind me.

That piece of shit has been gone for about a week now, and the cruddy bartender has been little to no help to me.

Tsk.

I kick down a snow castle as I walk.

I hear a small monsters cry out in disappointment as they see what I've done.

A smile grows on my face as I continue to walk.

It's the small things in life that bring the most joy.

The small things.

Sans is a small thing.

He's gonna have a big beating when I get a hold of him.

So maybe, the big things in life bring you the same, if not more joy than the little things.

What was it that smoking bastard said?

Something about a portal?

He said one of his little minions saw my mutt go through a portal but it seemed weirder than the normal ones Sans often uses to escape his problems.

It was glowing blue instead of red like usual.

I never mastered portals, that was the one thing my runt brother was better at than me.

Not that I have much need for escaping. 

Unlike Sans, I can handle my own in a fight.

So I suppose that's why he attained the power but I didn't.

Other than the fact that I have no use for it, it's a waste of time and magic.

It's shocking Sans can use portals considering how much magic they drain. 

Then again he sleeps half the day away when he's supposed to be working.

Lazy ass.

I make my way into Waterfall and to Undyne's house.

She may not be as great as me, but she should be able to help me more than the flaming idiot.

Mainly as a trading piece, but it's still going to help.

I know she won't like the fact that I'm going to basically give her to the little lizard that basically worships her in exchange for help, but her happiness is my smallest concern.

I knock loudly on the door of her house.

It only takes one for her to open the door.

"Who the hell is it?! Oh, it's just you, you bone head, what do you want?" She demands.

"Nice to see you too, Undyne," I say walking past her, making my way into her house.

I take a seat at her table and look at her.

"still haven't found 'im yet?" Undyne asks me after closing the door.

She walks over to the counter and starts to make some tea.

"Not yet. That's why I'm here actually. I need your assistance," I tell her.

She raises a brow at me curiously, "Oh?"

"To be more precise, I need you to bring me to Alphys. She probably has what I need to find my Mutt."

"What if he's dusted? Why does it matter if he's gone? Throw his stuff out and turn his room into something useful. Him being gone should be a vacation for you," Undyne says pouring the tea into glasses for the both of us. 

I sigh, "Yes, normally it would, but if I allow my shrimp brother to get away without being punished then my reputation would be damaged, and I would rather not have my day become the slightest bit tiring because some idiots decide to see if I'm getting soft."

Undyne nods, and hands me a cup of tea, "so that's why you need Alphys."

"Yes, I'm hoping that she'll be able to help me find Sans."

She looks at me, "and where do I fit into this scheme of yours?" 

"Alphys and I aren't on the best of terms, I was wanting to have you be the middle man, so things don't get too crazy."

"you want me to make sure you and Alphys don't kill each other?" Undyne asks, bored. 

"Basically, yes."

"Basically?"

"Well, I might need to use you as a bartering chip,"

"what?" she asks, not happy in the slightest.

"she worships you, she has something I want, and you are something she wants."

"Yeah, no Papyrus, I have no intention to get sold off to some insane weeb."

"I thought you'd say that. So I went ahead and spoke with king Asgore. He's given me permission as your superior to take you on this little 'quest' of mine."

A scowl spreads across her face, "you son of a bitch."

A smirk grows on my face as I know I've won this little game. 

"Now, let's get going, we don't have all day."

"Let me finish my damn tea first," she says rolling her eyes. 

I nod, finishing mine as well. 

"Just this once, you flounder."

"The fuck you just call me, numb skull?!" Undyne asks, summoning a spear. 

"You heard me, though you probably don't want to react in that manner, you just replaced this table, and I must say, this is my favorite of your choices so far," I respond, putting my cup in the sink.

Undyne growls and lets the spear dissolve. 

"Good, now, are you almost ready? It's getting late and I'd rather not walk in on Alphy's human shows."

"Yeah yeah, I'm coming."

She sets the cup in the sink as well and we head off. 

Undyne is radiating pissy energy the entire way to the lab, I, on the other hand, am very smug.

"cheer up, Undyne," I say as we reach the door, "I'm giving you a new friend."

"shudup."

I knock on the door to the lab, it opens after a moment. 

We walk in and the smell of noodles and blood hit my face. 

A strange combination, but not the worst smell in the underground. 

Undyne looks suspicious, while also seeming interested. 

"Alphys?" I call out. 

"We're here on business. Come out now, by order of the king."

A low chuckle comes from inside a dark corner. 

"Captain Papyrus, welcome back to my lab. I was sure you weren't going to be back so soon." 

"come out you slimy reptile, I brought a bartering piece," I say, pushing Undyne out in front of me.

"Hey! Watch it!" Undyne yells at me. 

"U-undyne?!" Alphys says panicking. 

"I d-didn't know you w-were coming!"

Good, I've got her right where I want her.