caught up ; mattia polibio

✰ chapter 10 ✰

song for this chapter- feels like we only go backwards by tame impala

deja's pov

i really told him "ofc." am i stupid? am i truly that idiotic? i think i am i really do. maybe nothing will happen? maybe we'll just act like friends? but that NEVER happens with mattia. what am i doing? too many questions ran through my brain. my phone vibrated and my screen lit up with a text from mattia saying he was here. i panicked and yelled to my mom that i was going out with alivia and wouldn't be back until later. before she could ask any questions i ran out the door.

i opened the passenger seat door and rolled my eyes. he smiled and responded with a snide, "somebody's happy to see me." i crossed my arms and rolled my eyes again knowing this was a bad idea. i decided to make this less awkward and start small talk. "so how'd you convince your parents to let you take the car out for once?" he casually said, "oh they don't know. they're at my grandparents, told them i threw up and they didn't make me go."

my eyes widened, "are you joking?" he shook his head. all that to see me? why? is it that serious? i can't lie i was impressed. this is why i'm so attracted to him, he does spontaneous things like this. alejandro would never think about pretending to be sick to take his mom's car just to see me. then again he didn't really have to because we're allowed to see each other pretty much anytime... but that's not the point.

alejandro just doesn't have something mattia has that i can't even explain. the car ride was silent for the most part which i guess was a sign that nothing bad was going to happen. we got out once we parked. he held the door open for me and i rolled my eyes for the millionth time that night it felt like. he was getting really irritated, "deja you didn't have to come if you didn't want to see me. the 'of course' you said after i asked you to come kinda made it seem like you, ya know, actually WANTED to come." i looked at the floor, "mattia i do want to be here it just..." i needed a second to collect my thoughts. he was getting more heated, "what's the problem now deja? huh?" mattia was not fun to deal with when he was mad. i kept looking at the floor because i couldn't look him in the eye.

"its's just," i continued, "this feels wrong and sneaky like it always does." i made sure to be very quiet so nobody reported back to alejandro or any of our friends. once i looked up finally i just saw mattia shaking his head. i knew he was pissed, "i don't even know what to say anymore." i decided to ignore him and just order.

i got my favorite drink. i always order a strawberry smoothie with mango boba and mattia always gets a kiwi black tea with lychee jelly. these little boba dates had been going on with the whole group even before me and mattia started talking, it was just the best place in passaic valley to hang out. we sat quietly while we were drinking. mattia broke the silence, "sooo what're we doing after this." i didn't even think about that. i don't know what he expects. "well i have to be home later because i told my mom i was going out with alivia and i bet your parents are coming home soon." he shook his head, "my parents and my brother are all spending the night over at my grandparents so my house is empty."

he's got to be kidding. i made a disgusted face at him, "mattia i am not sleeping over." he just laughed. "what's so funny..." he kept laughing. "what's funny deja is that you would've loved to sleepover maybe 4 days ago and now all of a sudden it's a problem? you can't just decide when you feel like being loyal to alejandro and pretend that you and i never happened. you aren't the sweet little innocent girl you try to act like."

i choked back tears. he had a valid point. i went back and forth and that wasn't fair to him. i'm starting to think mattia has real feelings for me and a little tiny part of me likes him too. but, i'm in love with alejandro. "i know i go back and forth but this time i'm serious this has to stop."

his eyes bugged out of his head, "are you joking?? like are you kidding me??? look where you are right now. look who you're with. you're with ME. not your boyfriend, not alivia where you told your mom you were, and god only knows where you told alejandro you were. i think you can forget that he could walk in any second. you're risking that to see me deja. you obviously care about me a little." am i really that transparent? he was right all over again. i didn't even know how to react.

i just got up and walked out the door. i'm not sure where i thought i was going since mattia was my ride home but i'd walk myself home in the freezing cold for all i cared.

i couldn't believe he said all that to me. scratch that, i just couldn't wrap my head around how he was right. everything he was saying was 101% true and that's what made me so upset. upset with myself, somewhat upset with him for caring about me, and i just felt so horrible for alejandro. if i called him right now he would come pick me up. he wouldn't even know that i was just hanging out with his best friend that i've been messing with on the low and no questions would be asked he would just be there as soon as he could be. after i realized this i decided to be extremely selfish.

i went to alejandro's contact and hit the call button. he answered instantaneously, "hey dej what's up?" i needed a second to get my story straight. "um hey babe do you think you could pick me up from boba tea? me and my cousin just got in a little argument and i need to go home and cool down." i can't believe how much i'm lying to him right now. he spoke again, "oh i'm sorry to hear that. i'll be there as soon as i can. i love you, byebye" he hung up. i sat on the curb and realized what i just did. i definitely wouldn't be seeing mattia for awhile after tonight and i meant it this time.

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maybe deja actually means it this time... but you'll find out asap ;)
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