caught up ; mattia polibio

✰ chapter 53 ✰

song for pt 1 of the chapter- good riddance by green day

alejandro's pov

today was the day i was saying goodbye to the boys. even though i was beyond upset with mattia right now, i was going to miss him a whole lot. a little bit of me also hoped deja was going to show, but i doubt that.

we sat down and got some food because we had time to spare. i felt someone tap my shoulder and i turned around. deja was standing there. i honestly didn't know how to feel about her being here. i was happy to see her one more time before i left but i was still so sad about everything. "hey ale... i know you don't wanna see me right now but," she couldn't look me in the eye. "i thought it'd be the respectful thing to do. i know you and i know myself and we need to put everything aside for today so i can send you off." the boys sat there awkwardly in silence watching the conversation. i nodded, "that's fine. pull up a chair." she wouldn't look at me or mattia. i could feel how uncomfortable everyone was, the tension as soon as she walked in the room just instantly shot up. we ate in silence. everyone was collectively sad and didn't want to talk about it much.

an announcement came on for the final call to board. i can't believe this is about to happen. i said goodbye to my mom and brother. they were both crying which made me feel extremely guilty about leaving. but, this is what i needed to do. i gave them each a hug, "i'll see you guys real soon okay? i'll try to facetime everyday. i know it's not the real thing but it's close enough right?"

i moved onto kairi. i shook my head, "kai... you're the most genuine person i've ever met. i love you man. try to grow while i'm gone." i laughed and gave him a hug. i moved down the line through all the boys.

then, i got to mattia. i looked up at him, "i wish what happened didn't happen but it did. i'm beyond angry with you dude...but that doesn't change how much i love you." i could see his eyes welling up with tears so i pulled him into a big hug. he cried harder onto my shoulder, "i'm so proud of you ale. i'm gonna miss you so fucking much. i'm so sorry that this had to happen though i really am." i wasn't going to tell him it was okay, because it wasn't at all but i know he felt awful about it. i pulled away, "i'm so disappointed in you but i cant even lie, i don't think there's going to be anybody except my family that i'll miss like you mattia... you're my best friend at the end of the day. no matter how dirty you did me, how mad i am still, i love you so so so much." we gave each other one last hug.

lastly, i walked up to deja. she actually made eye contact with me this time. "hey alejandro..." i didn't speak and just pulled her into a hug. her tears wet my shirt but i didn't even care. as little as i'd like to admit it i needed to hug her like this one last time. "deja i don't even know what to say to you right now but i'm gonna fucking miss you so much. i'm still so in love with you it's not even funny." she just kept on crying not saying anything.

i pulled out of her arms and wiped the tears off her face. she was still beautiful even though makeup running down her face, she looked like she hasn't slept in days, and quite frankly deja was just a straight up mess. "i wish i could tell you i loved you one last time dej..." she closed her eyes and nodded, "me too alejandro, me too." she put her arms out, wanting one last hug. i had to board in five minutes so i pulled her into my arms.

i felt my mom tap my shoulder telling me i had to get on the plane. i hugged her for what seemed like the millionth time and said my very last goodbye. i waved to all the boys, they were all crying. i walked onto the plane. i knew they were proud which felt amazing but how devastated they were hurt. they were all losing someone they'd known for so long and it didn't even feel real that i was the missing piece they were losing.

i felt for deja too even though she'd shattered my heart. even though everything was because of her own selfish actions my heart still did feel terrible for her. deja had just lost me, the boy she at one point wanted to grow up and marry. the fact that she had nobody else to blame but herself must've felt awful. breakups suck no matter who's "fault" it is. at the end of the day, we had something real at one point and even though it fell to pieces in the worst way possible i still had fun. so many happy memories were connected to deja and even though now one of my saddest is too the good really did outweigh the bad. the only way to describe it was that i hated and loved her at the very same time.

i felt the same exact way about mattia. he's been like a brother to me for years and him doing this came at a terrible shock. but, we had a good friendship at its prime. the crazy ass memories we all made together are some i'd never ever forget and i'm grateful for every second of them. deciding to go to spain was the best decision i could've made at the time. i had no idea any of this was going to happen but now i'm even happier i'm leaving. after everything i've had to go through in these last few weeks i deserved a fresh start. before the plane took off and i lost service i decided to send one last text.

Messages

jersey kidz 💙

alejandro rosario
thank you to everyone for every single amazing memory. the good, the bad, and the ugly. i love everyone in this more than i can even put into words. i'll see y'all in a year. don't forget about me in the mean time
-a.d.r ❤️

hermano 🧬💜
i love you brother.
goodluck in spain

ella alvarez-michaels
good luck!! 💘

kai 🎌
i love you ale.
forever & always.
goodluck out there

alivia parish
much love to you.
take this for good luck ;) 🍀

alejandro rosario
thank you so much 🥺

DEJA NOELLE 🌎💕
i know you hate me and you have every right to... but i love you so much still. good luck over there. you're strong, talented, and an amazing person alejandro. i'm so sorry it had to end like this. you have my support always , even if you don't want it ❤️

alejandro rosario
thank you dej. it means a lot.
i'll see you again soon.
hopefully things can be different someday
but rn i just need time.
same to you mattia.
i just need some space and time.
good thing i'm moving overseas right?
lmao

i put in my airpods and shuffled my music. i felt at peace right now. a new country meant a new start, new people, new everything. that's exactly what i needed right now. peace out new jersey, see you soon.

✰

✰

✰

anddddd scene. thanks you for going thru this journey with me <3
would anybody want an epilogue to this book? i already have one written so lmk!

tysm for 12k (2/2/20)