caught up ; mattia polibio

✰ chapter 18 ✰

song of part 1 of the chapter- marlboro nights by lonely god

part 1
deja's pov

ugh. the first day back from break is never good. the sound of my alarm going at 5:15 might as well be someone screaming in my ear to wake up. i slowly got out of bed to go do my morning routine. i get really sick of doing the same thing everyday, it bores me beyond belief. i threw my hair into a low ponytail, brushed my teeth, and walked back into my room. i changed out of pajamas into jeans and my euphoria shirt and of course the ring alejandro got me. i looked in the mirror and saw how exhausted i was. mascara, highlight, and lipgloss fix everything. soon, i was done and slipped my air forces on and went to wait on my front step for alivia. i hadn't seen liv since she started talking to mattia and honestly i don't know how it's going to be when i see her. after a couple minutes she pulled into my driveway and i hopped in the passenger's seat. she smiled, "goodmorning deja." i buckled my seat belt. "hey alivia. how was the rest of your break?" she shrugged, "it was okay, i didn't do much. how was yours." i almost jumped out of my seat with excitement turning to look at her, "oh my god!! alejandro took me to new york for the weekend, we ate so good, he gave me this ring," i held up my finger and she glanced for a second and said how pretty it was, "it was just an amazing two days. how's mattia?" she stiffened up a little bit. that's not a good sign. she stayed quiet for awhile. when she finally spoke her explained that it was good but it's only the beginning so you never know for sure. i understand what she means. this is her first try at a real relationship so it's never easy. when we got to school i thought we were going to do the daily routine we always did where i went to get alejandro and she went off with ella and her other friends. oh was i wrong. when i got to my locker i see not only ale but mattia waiting there too. mattia gave alivia a kiss and for whatever reason she did not look too happy about that. i'll admit it, i was very jealous of them ever since i saw his post. he just liked me not even a week ago why does he want to be with alivia so bad all of a sudden? mattia was just giving me all this attention and all upset over how me and him aren't gonna work out how did he move so fast? i didn't understand any of it and i didn't even want to try to. there's probably something much more complicated going on than i even knew of.

the day dragged on and i just wanted to get home. i was sitting in my study hall listening to music and my mind began to wander. why did i kind of miss mattia? out of all the boys alivia could end up getting with it has to be the one i secretly feel something for. yes, alejandro was getting better at the whole spontaneous thing but mattia was like my textbook dream boy. everyday with him is different, there's not a set in stone routine like there is with ale. quite honestly i get super bored with the same old same old everyday. i know if i was with mattia he wouldn't wait in the same spot for me every single day, he'd switch it up, we'd do fun things, we'd go on weekend trips more than me and ale ever will. i'm just so confused with my one feelings. one second i'm geeked over alejandro like it was when we first started dating and then the next second i'm daydreaming about what it would be like if i ended up with mattia in the end. i starting looking down at my ring finger. the promise ring truly was beautiful but i didn't deserve it at all. when he gave it to me he said he wanted to replace it with a wedding ring someday. i used to think that way too but i'm not really sure right now. obviously i'm going to stay with him but after 2 and a half years i miss just doing me and not having to be sneaky to have fun. maybe i'm not built to be in a relationship right now. maybe i'm even just letting my thoughts get the best of me right now. if alejandro texted me right now i'd be so in love with him all over again and i'd take back everything i just thought but it'd be exactly the same if mattia texted me. i really wonder what he's thinking right now. i doubt he's thinking of me he has alivia right? what more could he want. i should be happy for her. she's a beautiful girl who has nothing but good intentions for anybody and i'm glad somebody's finally starting to appreciate her. i just wish it wasn't mattia who was...

songs of part 2 of the chapter- fool's gold by one direction and still think about you by a boogie
part 2

mattia's pov

i've spent this entire study hall staring at the back of deja's head waiting for her to notice and invite me to sit down with her. i'd take anything excuse to talk to her right now. the problem is i can't even make any moves because she'll just throw the alivia card in my face. i think that situation has gotten way out of hand and blown up in my face completely. i don't even think liv likes me and i don't like her but i genuinely think that both of us are too scared to tell the other one. winter formal is coming up too which means i have to take her since we're a thing which is going to be an even bigger disaster. i'm glad deja's done using me for whatever she wanted but i really miss her. she just has a way of brightening my day i guess. i wish i could take her to that formal. do all the corny sh!t. coordinate my outfit with her dress, pick her up, slow dance with her, go to a nice little diner afterwards. i'm sure alejandro and her will do all of that though. the same way i wish i could've brought her on that little new york city trip. it just never gets any easier no matter how hard i try. everyone else just seems happy. deja can easily have me or ale anytime she wants, ella and kairi are doing whatever now, and then there's just me and alivia. the thought that our names are attached together now makes me sick to my stomach. the guilt i feel for dragging her into this all for deja makes me feel like the biggest idiot in the entire world. i'm awful and selfish for everything. maybe i'll break it off soon...probably not. i'll be her date to formal but after that i think i'm going to have to leave because i can't fake it anymore. it's not fair to her and i feel miserable with her.

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two part special for 1k reads!!!! i really didn't think this was going to get any reads 🥺 and wow it did in a rlly short amount of time. keep voting n commenting plz i love talking to you guys!!