letters to the boy who never cared

s i x t e e n

I never did text Matt. In fact, I kind of avoided him until Grace's party. Even then, I took the ultimate precautions. Until I got over my confusions, I didn't want him thinking I was trying to impress him. I bummed it the rest of the week at school, and looked super...chaste at Grace's party, in simple skinny jeans instead of a dress.

I ruffled the curls on my head hours before the party, peering into a mirror in Grace's room. She sat behind me, pouting along with Summer and Jen.

"And here I was, beginning to think that after the whole Reed thing, your style'd be better. Nope," she huffed, grimacing.

I glanced down at my Brandy shirt and frowned. "This is cute!" I complained.

"Sure, if you're at the mall," Summer whined. "You're going to a party."

I shrugged, not really seeing her point. I was comfy, and after my trying times at Aiden's party (trying not to flash people in that get-up was the struggle), I decided that the most I would do was heels, and occasionally a skirt.

"She looks fine," Jen defended me, though her eyes said she was just humoring me. "Leave the kid alone."

"Just because my butt isn't hanging out of my skirt does not mean I'm a kid."

"Hey!" Grace protested. I shrugged, eyeing her (admittedly gorgeous) bodycon dress.

We fell into silence, all checking make-up and hair in the last moments. I still hadn't told them about what had gone down with Matt, and I was antsy. Still, I didn't let myself spill. I wasn't even sure myself what was going on, and the last thing I wanted to do was make it a bigger deal.

~

A thing I've learned about Grace Young is that partying is one of life's great pleasures to her. Personally, I could live without it. For Grace, it helps her get through a lot. God knows the girl was going through a lot that night, with her dad and all. So, she partied on overdrive. Having fun was Grace's only way of dealing with what life handed to her.

She was draped over Aiden like a little kid, both of them completely stupid with alcohol. I was probably the only sober one here (quite the entertaining experience) watching people who acted like they were so cool in the hallways act like overgrown toddlers. Except, they weren't that cute. They were kind of gross, actually.

I sat on the kitchen table, smirking at all the drunken idiots stumbling around. Matt still hadn't arrived, and every time the front door opened, my head whipped around to see if it was him.

And one of the times, Reed walked in. Our eyes locked, and my amused smile dropped instantly.

He kept staring at me, but he didn't come and talk to me. I dropped my gaze to my lap, biting my lip and knowing he was still looking at me, wondering why. I hadn't thought of him in a long time, and the eye contact was overwhelming.

Soon after, Matt walked into Grace's house. Immediately, he sat next to me.

"You didn't text me," he said.

"But you didn't text me," I pointed out quietly, afraid to look at him.

Matt chuckled, shrugging and bumping my shoulder in the process. "Yeah. I guess I was a bit nervous."

I smiled, but couldn't find anything to say. We stayed quiet like that for a while.

Finally, he spoke again. "I'm sorry if this isn't what you want. I needed to know, that's all."

"I understand." I felt my gaze slide to Reed. I had no idea what I wanted. For some strange, stupid reason, things always led back to him. Always. No matter how much he hurt me.

Matt saw where my eyes had gone, and shook his head. "God, Alexa," he sighed. "It's one thing you don't like me back. That, I can deal with. But...jeez."

"I'm sorry," I replied. I really was.

"How many chances does he get? He hurt you so much. He made you feel so terrible, and I was there, both times. But I never even got one chance. So, tell me, how many chances does Reed Marlowe get before you finally realize that I could treat you so much better?" Matt's face was filled with passion and anger. The fact that I had caused it made me feel sick to my stomach.

Matt paused, then ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. "You know, you're giving a lot up for this guy. You need to decide whether or not he really deserves it." He got up and left me alone where I sat.

~

"Lexi," a deep voice called. Just when I thought the night couldn't get any worse.

"Reed, please," I said, not looking back at him. He grabbed my wrist and spun me so I met his eyes.

"Oh, now we can talk?" I hissed icily.

"Don't be like that," Reed pled. "I didn't know what to say to you."

"Saying something would've been better than nothing," I grumbled.

"I just wasn't sure- you know I like you. Can you forgive me?"

"You really expect me to?" I scoffed.

"I made a mistake! Please, I miss you."

Those three words weighed heavily on me. I miss you. I mattered. The gravity of what he said stunned me to silence.

Reed continued, "We need to start over, okay? Look. Let's do another date. Dinner? You can decide whether or not you like me, still. Because I'm really having a hard time without you."

I found this hard to believe. Still, the thought was so beautiful to me. Reed Marlowe needs me. Reed Marlowe wants me.  So, I believed it. I cracked a small, goofy smile.

"Sure," I nodded, smirking.  "But I swear, if you try anything funny..."

Reed smiled cheekily, devastatingly handsome as usual. He dropped his arm over my shoulders. "Can't make any promises," he drawled, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

A/N  raise your hand if you want to bash alexa in the head. She's so so so so so stupid.

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xx janai