letters to the boy who never cared

n i n e t e e n

Lunch was...well. Wow. Come Monday, I hadn't texted anyone but Reed all weekend. My friends were confused when Reed sat down next to me in silence. Reed wouldn't make eye contact with Grace at all, and there was this awkward quiet over the whole table, punctuated with chewing noises. Weird?

Yeah. Pretty weird.

Matt was pretty much the only one not giving me or Reed dirty looks, but not because I was forgiven. In fact, it seemed like I was forgotten, because next to him sat some girl I doubt anybody else at the table but Matt knew, entertaining him with twirls of her wavy brown hair. She looked a lot like one of the not-pretty tumblr girls, the ones who're just funny. She had a weird face, I guess. I don't know. Maybe it was just the way that stupid kiss made me feel, but I immediately didn't like her.

The girl turned away from flirting with Matt to address us silent people. "You guys are quiet," she observed in an annoyingly peppy way. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Summer ground out, forcing a smile. The girl didn't seem to notice the fakeness, though. She just nodded.

"Tired, then?" she pressed on, trying to carry on the conversation.

"Yeah," Grace said irritatedly. "Sure." Her glare was fixed on Reed, who squirmed uncomfortably.

The girl noticed her tone and flinched. "Oh. Okay."

Matt looked a little mad that everybody was giving his little "girlfriend" attitude, and stood up. "Okay, well, me and Olivia are gonna go. See you later." He pretty much dragged her out of the cafeteria.

Grace turned to Reed. "Right. Now that they're gone, let's talk, yeah?"

Reed looked like it hurt him to stay in that seat.

"I don't like you, Reed," she began.

"Obviously," he mumbled tiredly.

Grace glared at him but continued speaking. "I won't tell Alexa she can't go out with you- she shouldn't, but I won't tell her not to- but I can tell you that, I swear to God, if you hurt my friend..." Her voice trailed off and her fist clenched. She took some deep breaths to calm down.

"I don't think you realize what you're destroying, Reed," Grace continued in measured tones. "So I suggest you quit playing around and figure out what you want."

There was a heated moment where no one talked, just stared, and then Jen said softly, "Alexa, can you come me with me to the bathroom?" Any girl knows what that means. I grabbed my bag and left the table with Jen silently.

Once we got there, Jen leaned on the radiator and looked at me disappointedly. "Matt told me everything," she said.

"Well, if there's Olivia now, why does it matter?" I replied curtly, unable to meet her eye. We both knew why it mattered.

"You know he doesn't like her," Jen said. "You know that."

"We don't know anything. He could-"

"Stop making excuses, Alexa! He told me everything. You really hurt him. But you know, if you're stupid enough to get back with Reed, I guess you're stupid enough not to realize he's so not over you."

I backed up and slid my eyes to the floor. "Jeez, Jen," I mumbled.

"Sorry for yelling," Jen apologized, sinking down to sit on the radiator. "It's just... Reed? Over Matt? But, I can't change your feelings can I?"

"I mean, why don't you guys believe that we like each other?" I asked, in a soft voice.

"I believe you like him," Jen replied carefully.

"He likes me, Jen."

Jen flinched at my quick and forceful response. She mumbled something like an "unhhmm" noncommittally. "Look," she said. "Remember what I said before. Don't give too much away. Promise?"

I nodded. "Promise."

~

"Hey, I think I'm gonna sit at my old table," Reed whispered in English.

"Don't worry about today, Reed. I made Grace promise to be civil."

Reed shrugged. "You can't be sure with her. She's crazy."

I narrowed my eyes, unamused. "That's my best friend you're talking about."

"I know, I know," he corrected himself quickly. "I didn't mean that. I meant... you know, I always get the cold shoulder around them."

"'Cause you're always doing something." I regretted those words the second they left my mouth. I hadn't meant to bring that up again.

Reed ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I'm your boyfriend, right?"

I smiled slightly, even with the tension. Boyfriend. It sounded nice. "Yeah."

"So, your friends are supposed to support you in your relationship or whatever, yeah?"

I agreed with him with a nod.

"Okay, well, babe, until they can accept me like you accept me...well, I don't see the point of me being there just to get the third degree whenever I eat with you. Okay?"

I nodded again. "Okay."

"Alright, love," Reed said, kissing the top of my head where my head parted. "I'll see you." He smiled at me, squeezed the hand I hadn't realized he had taken hold of, and left. I stared after him in a daze.

Boyfriend. The word was still floating rather nicely in my head.