letters to the boy who never cared

t h i r t y - t h r e e

"What was that about?" Matt questioned as I pulled him briskly down the hall, far from Reed and the drama that was my life.

"I just broke up with him," I replied simply.

Matt's face broke into a grin. "Jeez. I'm really proud of you, Alexa. Like, crap, that's so great!" He pulled me into a warm hug.

I shared his contagious smile (even though the hug had pulled me into his gross, fresh-from-gym-class armpit), looking up at him. "Thanks, Matty. God, you stink."

"Ugh, still?" he cried in frustration. "Man, those Axe commercials are bull."

I giggled lightly. "Whatever. Hey, we should do something, seeing as how I'm free at last and all."

"What is there to do on a Monday?" Matt mused thoughtfully as we walked outside the building to the grassy commons.

"The city's an hour away, the mall is boring, no good movies are out," I said, ticking off the impossibilities on my hand. "Basically, nothing."

Matt shrugged, rolling the sleeves of his white button-down up to his elbows as we neared his car. "We'll  do nothing, then. Let's just do it in a nice place."

~

Matt smirked, facing out the windshield to the road ahead as he drove. " I'm so happy for you, right now."

I rolled my eyes.  "Yeah, I got it the eighth time, Matty."

"Sorry, I'm just...God, he was awful to you. I'm glad you finally saw it." His forearms flexed as he parallel parked in front of the forest we'd walked through before.

"There's this really nice beach out here- well, a lake, but still. Out here is probably the best place to do nothing, yeah?"

"Sure," I replied, nodding. Already, the damp, woody smell of the forest put a spell of tranquility over me.

We entered the tree-lined path in the same silence as the last time we'd been there. I watched as a small smile took over Matt's face. He looked impossibly serene, taking in the scents, sounds and sights of nature.

The dirt underfoot gave way to sand as Matt led me to the shore of a crystalline lake. He took a huge breath through his nose and sighed. "I love it here. I take the triplets all the time, when it's warm enough."

I smiled. "How are they, anyway?"

Matt grinned cutely, stopping to drop himself onto the sand, reclining on his elbows to face the bright blue sky. "Annoying as ever. Still cute, though."

I laughed nostalgically. "Man," I sighed. "I haven't seen them in a while. I'll have to visit, huh?"

"Yeah. All they do is ask about you guys. Ara means well, she's just not very good with them," Matt replied apologetically.

I hummed in response, sobered by the mention of his girlfriend. I stared up at the cotton candy clouds for a while in silence, before Matt cleared his throat.

"Um, Alexa?"

"Yeah."

"Are you, like, really okay?"

I glanced over at Matt. His face was wrinkled with concern, his brown eyes wide. "Like, I know you dragged me out to get away from Reed, but I think we should talk about it, still. Get stuff off your chest," he stumbled. With a light, self-deprecating laugh, he added, "Sorry, I'm not good at...comforting."

"Don't say that," I argued. I swiped discreetly at my eye, anticipating a tear. "You're probably the best comforter I know. You're always there for me."

"Please don't cry," Matt doted frantically.

"I'm not," I giggled.

"Okay, well, tell me what you're feeling. Like, vent." He looked at me expectantly.

"Alright. Well, I was angry on Friday, depressed on Saturday, in denial on Sunday, and now, I'm accepting all this. And I'm happy we're over."

"That's good," Matt pressed.

"Yeah. And now I can get back to the normal stuff. No more Reed drama."

"What's normal?"

"God, Dr. Phil," I laughed. "Try being a therapist when you get older."

Matt pouted, feigning frustration. "I'm trying to help you, so you better appreciate me."

I laid back on the sand, my laugh growing louder. "Okay. Normal... normal is Grace trying to make me a baby stripper. And Jen mommying me when my real one's not around. And normal is Summer threatening to kill people."

Matt smiled through his mirth, squinting at the sparkling surface of the lake. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. And normal is you. Just you being Matty with your dumb big house and your cute sisters and your cute smile. That's normal." By the time I realized my slip up, it was too late, and Matt's laughing had died down.

He smirked at me. "You think my smile is cute?"

I blushed. "Stop being sassy. You're supposed to be a nerd."

"But you said my smile was cute."

"I might have. Are you accepting my compliment."

"Only if you're admitting it."

"Sure," I said, grinning lazily. I hadn't had a drop to drink, yet I was drunk on Matt's closeness to me. Unconsciously, our foreheads moved closer and closer together.

"Admit what?" he singsonged in a whisper.

With a stubborn eyeroll, I ground out, "Alright, I think you're really cute."

Matt let out a low chuckle. "Thanks," he replied, and then cupped my jaw, bringing me into a tender kiss.

I let my eyes flutter closed. I let myself forget Reed, forget Marin, forget everything but the feeling of Matt's lips on mine. I reached up to run my fingers through his hair, deepening the kiss.

Suddenly, Matt broke away. I assumed it was just to breathe, and waited for a beat before going in to kiss him again.

"Alexa, stop," he muttered, pushing himself away from me.

"What? Why?" I asked, frowning. Matt would barely look me in the eye.

"I- I can't believe I just did that. I can't believe you just did that." He ran a hand through his now-messy hair. "Jesus."

"I thought this was what you wanted." My voice came out small and afraid.

"Yeah. Past tense. Present tense, I have a girlfriend. Alexa, you can't do this to me. After I tried so hard to get you and then even harder to get over you. I went through way too much for you to decide now that this is what you want. And I don't want you to change your mind again."

There was nothing I could say. Every single word he spoke made sense. I didn't deserve Matt, and he didn't want me. I'd lost my chance, and there was no going back. 

"I'm sorry, Alexa," Matt sighed, not meeting my eye. "But you broke my heart once, and I won't let it happen again."

A/N 1111 words is a lotta words. js i think it deserves a vote or two hehehehe

im sure yall thought it was ending here bc they kissed but AHA plot twist. tbh im proud of my baby matty. that girl was crazy of she thought she was plucking matty away from arabella like that

Ok well a/n