Fly Away (OLD VERSION)

Chapter 32 - I Got You

School for the past couple weeks sucked absolute chicken butt. 

Zack avoided me like I was a rabid dog. He made sure to sit across the room from me in both APUSH and in Physics, and tried to stay away from me in the halls. 

It was almost like I had some contagious disease he was afraid of catching.

Every time he kept his gaze forward when I walked by, every time I'd try to smile at him and he'd look away, every time I'd call out his name and he just walked the other way, tore a little piece of my heart away.

This felt like the end. His cold and distant demeanor was beginning to tear me apart. I trusted him to not hurt me, I trusted him to wait, I trusted him to be understanding. 

But at the same time, I don't blame him. I refused to tell him things that he should know, my messed up stories from the past that scar my future. I'm scared to let him get to close, because it would give him the power to break me. 

In my pent up storm of trust issues, fear, anxiety, and attempting to protect myself from pain - I had caused myself more pain by pushing him away.

I had fell into that hole again. The one where I felt numb, where I didn't want to do anything. It hurt to get out of bed. Focusing in class took every single ounce of energy in my body. Ro and Felix would still accompany me during lunch, but my laughter never reached my eyes. 

Almost like in New York...

Inside, I was blaming myself. I felt like shit. Knowing I could have lost someone so important to me, just because I was afraid of opening up. I felt empty without him, like a dark void.

Why did I have to have such a stupid outburst? Why couldn't I have remained level-headed and rational, and just told him everything right on the spot? Why didn't I just tell him about my past, and hope that it didn't scare him away?

Why didn't I just trust him?

"I'll always be here, Sunshine. I'm not afraid of your past. It won't scare me away, promise. You can tell me whenever you're ready," he had reassured me on countless occasions. 

So why didn't I?

So here I was, laying in my bed during yet another sleepless night, a two weeks later after our fight, on a Thursday night, with school tomorrow. And for the fourteenth day in a row, the thoughts of Zack plagued my mind. 

I felt absolutely pathetic.

This is why you were scared to let him in, why you were scared to get too close. Because you always, ALWAYS care too much. And look where it got you...

I tore my distant gaze away from my dark ceiling, stuffing my face into my pillow. Raven, why are you so dumb?

Why can't you just talk to him? He's waiting for you to do something. In his eyes, you hurt him by completely shutting off after he kissed you. Of course he reacted like this. Remember, he's a little moody himself.

Call him. Tell him Raven, you have to. You can't lose him. He's opened up to you about Beah, heck - he beat up a guy for you. He's made you day a little brighter, he calms your panic attacks, he cares about you... He's been there since the second you've met, when he helped you find your cheating ex boyfriend. 

Frick the two a.m. feels.

Without thinking over this again, I grabbed my cell phone off my nightstand. I found Mophead's contact, and taking a deep breath, pressed call.

Wait, what the hell, Raven? Why are you calling Zack at two in the freaking morning! He could be asleep right now. 

Just as I was about to give up hope, he picked up on the fifth ring.