A Close Second

Twenty Seventh

BEATRICE

Wake up, dress and then saka kamI lalabas ni Jake.

Sometimes we go sa Villa Amorfino kung saan tumutulong kami kay Kuya Rob, but we also hung out sa bahay, madalas sa kanila. Aside from hanging out, we did some workouts too, with him arguing that it might have us feel happier since mas nakakaboost daw ng hormones (?) ang pag eexercise.

I just nodded. Basta hindi ako papasok.

I could feel na kinukwestyon na rin ni Yaya na si Conrad pumapasok pero ako hindi, but I told her that we're just practicing for graduation kaya di naman kami hahanapin sa school, which wasn't really a lie dahil wala naman talaga kaming ginagawa.

Minsan nagplaplano kami ni Jake na pumasok sa school, pero nauuwi lang sa plano yun. Once, nakauniform na kaming dalawa, pero nauwi lang kami sa Cafe Bien.

Not once had I cut class before in my entire highschool life, ngayon lang talaga.

Ayoko muna. Feeling ko ang awkward kasi.

Hindi ko rin naman maatim na papasukin si Jacob sa estado niya. He's normal. He laughs, he smiles, he tells jokes, he moves.

But I could see it in his eyes how he's still torn up about what was happening with him and Thea. Really, masaya ako para sa kanilang dalawa. I already gave him up long ago, and I dont regret it dahil dun yung alam kong sasaya siya.

Never had I once expected him to be this sad.

"Jacob. I have a question."
He looks at me, pausing our game. "Yeah?"
"Answer it honestly, okay?"

He looks at me, and I put down the controller saka ko siya tinignan. It was now Friday, and he was supposed to take his exams, but he pulled some strings again and he's moving the whole thing to next week. Minsan hindi ko rin alam talaga anong ginagawa niya to make the teachers agree but that's the extent of his power I guess.

Now, we're just here at his room, hanging out yet again.

"Are you okay?"
He gives me a small smile. "Are you?"
I nodded. "Of course." sagot ko.
"Magsinungaling ka pa."

He puts down the game controller saka ako tinignan. I want to look away, but I couldn't. Ako ang unang nag open ng topic, I shouldn't look away. I figured we had to address the issue because as much as I was enjoying hanging out with him, we were just distracting ourselves.

"Magkalinawan tayong dalawa." sabi niya.
"Hindi ka okay." sabi ko.
"Yeah, and so are you."

I sigh. Parehas nga naman talaga kami. And we're just masking everything with each other's company. See?

It's better to rip off the band aids and address the issue right now. Sabi nga namin before, we're already growing up, and that meant we had to face facts and endure the pain.

Running away now was getting pretty old already.

"I'll go first." I sigh. "I'm not okay because I feel like I was dumped, even if we're just playing pretend."
"Hindi naman ako ito diba?"
"Gusto mo sapak? Kung ikaw ito, edi dapat di kita sinasamahang magluksa dito." I say hotly na siyang ikinatawa niya. I took a deep breath. "Our parents actually know about both of us, and they think we had a relationship."
"Talaga?"
Tumango ako. "And then I thought it was starting to get real. I opened up to him...And when I actually thought that he was actually serious, he says we stop all the nonsense."

Natahimik siya, and I leaned on the couch, looking up because tears were starting to form In the corners of my eyes.

"I realize that I actually fell into the lies. I got comfortable and believed all the pretend things. It got real for me."
"Sucks to be you."
I chuckle. "Yeah. Tell me about it." sabi ko. "What's worst is that I believed him when he put up all the show of protecting me from things that would hurt me, you know."
"Like what?"
"Expectations from my family, my image from other people... then from you."