A Close Second

Sixty-ninth

COURTNEY BEATRICE

"Order for Beatrice."

I stood, careful not to rush, and left my iPad on the table. The tray slid toward me with a soft scrape of ceramic on wood. I offered the barista a small smile—one I'd perfected.

"You look familiar," said the guy beside me. His phone hovered midair as he reached for his drink.

Tinignan ko siya, giving him a small smile. "Must be someone you know."

"You look like—"

"I get that a lot," I said, still smiling. Still polite. I turned and walked away, never looking back.

I had time—just enough of it to feel like I didn't have to be anywhere.

Thea and Keith Andrew were in class. Jacob had a doctor's appointment. That left me with four hours and nowhere to be. Wala akong maisip kaya dito nalang ako nagpunta. It was a cafe by the campus, just behind the library. A pocket of calm on a restless campus.

The café hummed with the kind of quiet only rainy afternoons know. Soft mechanical whirs. Muffled conversations. Steam curling from cups. An indie playlist from someone's forgotten Spotify queue.

Bumalik ako sa upuan ko malapit sa glass wall, the rain beginning to tap gently against the glass like it was asking permission, feeling the cold bitterness to come in. I lifted my cup—matcha, warm and familiar—and sipped. Too hot. I set it down, opening the lid.

I tapped my iPad awake, fingers ready for anything but the words I owed Business Ethics. A thousand words to go, but no real urge to get there.

Then I heard it.

Soft. Almost a whisper. But close. Too close.

"Siguro akala niya no one will notice, right?"

"Total act. I heard she's been reading every nasty comment."

Napatigil ako, my hand hovering mid-air. The words weren't loud. Pero hindi naman nito kailangan na maging malakas.

They still landed.

I didn't move. Just stared at the swirl in my drink, the delicate green spiraling into itself. I usually go for coffee, but my mind had too many things right now and I didn't need more caffeine to kick it up a notch.

I had to go for matcha, chosen for its calm and comfort. Perfect for the light drizzle and to make my mind at ease.

Although my mind was in disarray at the moment.

'Hah. They think you're gonna scrolling through all of the comments like it's gospel.'

Maybe I was. Maybe I did, and maybe I never stopped.

I adjusted my glasses—worn more out of habit than need. A slow breath. A practiced blink.

No cracks.

Not here.

The barista caught my eye. I smiled. Automatic. Controlled.

Smile, Beatrice. Just like you've been taught.

I bent to fix my shoelace even though it was fine. The ground felt safer when it filled my view. Predictable. Still.

Control the small things ei up my cup. And left.

Outside, the rain greeted me in long silver threads. It didn't ask questions. It just fell.

Behind me, the whispers kept going. But just as I stepped out the door, a different voice slipped in between them.