A Close Second

Sixtieth

Hello! 

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COURTNEY BEATRICE

I woke up from a deep sleep, which was a first in a while.

I hadn't had the chance to actually have proper sleep, just thirty minute naps or something for the last 3 days.

It really was a wonder how I managed to move and think at all.

Naramdaman ko ang hilam na mga mata ko, then remembering why it was like that in the first place.

He's really gone, isn't he?

'Yes, he is.'

Nakaupo si 'Courtney' sa may computer chair ni Andrew by the end of the room. I sighed, my mind coming to terms of my own.

'I'm really sorry, Beatrice.'

I didn't have the heart to actually think of a reply. I just turn around, holding the sheets in my hand and seeing my boyfriend sleeping.

He looked exhausted, a dark shadow had developed under his eyes, which also seemed a little puffy. Hinawakan ko ang mukha niya, feeling a bit of his stubbles on the side of his face. This must have been itchy.

I felt guilty because I knew he's hurting too.

"I love you." I whisper as I put a small kiss on his forehead.

Nagulat ako konti nang may pumulupot na kamay sa bewang ko, pulling me close. Gising pala ang walang hiya. He nuzzles himself to my breasts, burying his face into my chest. I smiled slightly, holding the back of his head and pulling him close.

"Are you okay?" tanong ko sa kanya.

He nods wordlessly and I feel him breathe in deeply. Isang halik ang naramdaman ko sa bandang dibdib ko before he makes himself comfortable and goes back to sleep.

I look at the clock, seeing it a little over 11AM. I had rehearsal today but I didn't have the heart to go.

'I'm sorry, Beatrice.' mahinang sabi ni 'Courtney' sa likod ko. 'I know it's hard.'

'Courtney' sits herself at the edge of the bed. I normally would be snarking at her right now pero wala akong gana. Wala akong gana for anything. I just wanted to lay down and sleep.

But I know I can't.

Not with my mind running as to what needs to be done by the day and that time doesn't stop right now.

'It doesn't. But it gets easier after time, right?'

My hands run through Andrew's hair. He doesn't budge, breathing even as he slept. He must have been so tired. Especially through the great deal he had been the night before.

'He had to care for us too.'

I didn't even think of Andrew at all, when all the while he was just there for me. I didn't even consider how he was feeling. When I realized that, my mind told me that if I was so broken on seeing my best friend like that, then how bad was it for Andrew who had practically lost his brother?

He needed comfort as much as I did, maybe even more.

But he still stood strong for me, as I needed more stronghold at the moment when I felt that it was all my fault.

I flinched when I heard ringing. I realized na phone ko pala yun, which I was sure na nandun pa sa may bag ko.

I carefully unwrapped Andrew's arms from me. Hindi naman siya nagising sa ginawa ko. Hinalikan ko lang ang ulo niya bago ako nagpunta sa may dulo ng kama ang bag ko, kung saan nanggagaling ang tunog na naririnig ko.