Alone Awaken

Chapter 1: Remi

I stare at a black screen with both hands balled into fists against my cheeks. Staring blankly wondering why this damn computer won't turn on! The small music room I'm in doesn't help my building of annoyance. I need to play, I need to feel.

Every Friday afternoon, when everyone else is getting ready for a night out partying, I create. I create music and use it as an outlet for my loneliness. Being alone has always been the norm for me since I was 17. I've chosen to spend the rest of my high school career alone, to myself. And it had just continued into college at SUNY Fredonia. I've kept to myself just for the sheer knowingness of it and I'm comfortable with that.

But today, I wish I knew someone with techy abilities. I am brain dead with anything electronics, but I usually seem to make it work.

I continue to restart the computer, waiting ten seconds, turning it back on. Blackness. Not even a blue signal bar that randomly shows up sometimes. Well I guess I can just practice and play around rather than actually record. I don't record in hopes to share my music with anyone. It's just for me. To listen back what I played.

I take a deep breathe allowing my chest to fully expand. I sit up straight and hum in my throat. I let the sensation of my own vibration fill my soul. I place my hands on the keys. They're always cold on my fingers. A cold reminder of who I truly am and the pain surfaces. The memories fill me. I start playing.

I don't know what I'm playing, I never do. But it's never happy. A minor tone of notes fill the room and I feel my heart straining. My eyes are shut and I see him. I see his face, his smile, his green eyes that have always seen me.

My fingers move faster, they fill with anger, they move further and further down to lower notes. Until suddenly I stop.

"Wow" A voice appears behind me.

My head snaps behind me. Oh my god.

He's standing behind me. He's actually here? I shake my head and blink twice and see hazel eyes. It's not him. He's just as tall, just as handsome. Even his brown hair is the same. Except the way it's styled. His hair is slightly long on top and slicked back with his sides fading from top to bottom to a buzz fade. I always found that fade heavily attractive. If he let it grow he could easily tie it back. His lips are different too. They're fuller and slightly part as he stands there. He's wearing tight jeans that show off his thick thighs, clearly showing his athletic built. Sneakers and a plain grey t-shirt finishes his perfect appearance. Perfect? What are you talking about, snap out of it!

"How long have you been standing there!?" I ask abruptly and annoyingly.

How much has he heard? No one has ever heard me play, not even him. I didn't start playing until I was 17. My parents had no idea I went out and bought an electric piano that night from Goodwill and hid it under my bed. I played it everyday when no one was home. Those keys truly saw my pain and tears that never stopped. I wish I could have brought it to college with me. But in the move, I didn't want questions to arise.

He shifts to his side removing his hand from the doorknob.

"I don't know, I was just listening" he says confidently, as if he's not afraid of me. "The chart said this room was available, so I just walked in."

Damn it! I knew I was forgetting to do something. Why these rooms don't have locks on them are beyond me.

"Fuck, yeah I forgot to sign the room out, my bad." My abrupt language didn't seem to effect him. He didn't look at me like everyone else does. With a concern and disgust all at the same time.

"No-no it's cool you keep it, I'll just find another room." He says waving a hand at me in surrender.

"No seriously, I was done." I say with no emotion because there wasn't any. All emotions I had, I laid out on those keys. Emotions that he heard.

I stand quickly from the stool with a thud from my black buckled boots that usually make every head turn. It maybe warm as hell outside, but I will always wear these boots, they make me feel strong. They help me keep my ground, without them I may have completely lost myself years ago.

I gather my backpack and glide past him without even a nod.

"Wait, wait. I'm Colton."

I turn and stare at him with amazement. Usually my appearance and demeanor keep people looking forward.

A second later, why can't I speak? Why can't I say my name? It's just a name he won't care to know anything more. It's only polite, I guess. What the fuck, polite?!
I've never thought about being polite in four years. Who is this guy?

"Remi." I turn and pick up my pace. I can't look back keep your head down and go unnoticed. I keep walking until I push back the heavy music hall doors and am rushed with sun and warmth surrounding my being. My black oversized hoodie heats me up immediately bringing me back to reality. The smell of early fall entices my senses and all I can think to do is stand there.

"Excuse me!" I open my eyes and a tiny blonde with high socks and sneakers try to go inside. How this is a trend is beyond me.

"Oh were you saying something?" I say slyly looking down at her from the top steps.
"Yeah, I said excuse me! Your standing in the way I'm late for pra-."

Her voice is annoying, I don't know why, but it's annoying. Too bubbly yet bitchy at the same time. Is that even possible? I just move past her before giving her the satisfaction of finishing her sentence. I swear I faintly hear "bitch" coming from her over-glossed lips. The side of my mouth turns up. It's better for people to think I'm a bitch, it distances people from me. It keeps me alone.