~ 𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 ~ A Ben Solo/Kylo Ren Story

21.

Celeste still didn't know how Kylo would act towards her now. He was so changeable and confusing. She hoped against hope that maybe he'd see her in training the next morning and kiss her again. She hoped she could see that look of wanting in his eyes and feel his hands on her waist and her neck... but yet she knew that most likely, that wouldn't happen.

Celeste wanted to distract herself. She'd taken so many damn walks during her stay on Kylo's ship, but there really wasn't much made to do other than train, work out or walk. She found herself wandering around the halls, eventually waiting outside of Kylo's room. She knew he could sense her energy presence, she could feel his.

Images flashed before her eyes. All of them of him. His face. His hands. The feel of his lips. She hoped he couldn't tell he could see her re-living these thoughts. But she also did. She wanted him to open the door, to grab her wrists and pull her close and kiss her.

Celeste sighed loudly and pressed her palms against the door, slowly leaning forward and resting her forehead on the cold metal as well. She jumped as the door swung open into his room and she came face to face with that awful mask.

"Oh!" She squeaked, then mentally kicked herself for squeaking. "H-hey." She smiled awkwardly. He nodded silently. She realized she hasn't moved out of his way and was about to step to the side when she had a thought.

"Hey um, are you free to, um, talk for a little bit? Now or later?"

"I can now." He said curtly, stepping aside to let her through. Celeste walked in, glancing around nervously.

"What is it?" He sounded cold. Who could have guessed?!

"I just-" She stumbles over her words more, "I just wanted to ask um...where do we stand now...? I mean like after-" Ren cut her off.

"I do not wish to speak about that. It was a lapse of judgment on my part, and as far as I'm concerned, it never happened." His voice sounded distant, almost cruel through his mask. She felt so many emotions. Her face flushed with shame, but her heart broke with sorrow, then filled with anger.

What does he mean "it never happened?" That definitely happened. And I wasn't the one who started it, that damn coward... She thought, scowling visibly.

"That's not an answer." She demanded, though really, it was. He had chosen to ignore the kiss, but she did not intend on ignoring it at all.

Ren sighed loudly and grabbed Celeste's arm suddenly, pulling her completely into his room and before shutting the door.

"Sit" He commanded. She trembled slightly and awkwardly sat on the very corner of his bed. He paused for a moment, considering something, before reaching up and pulling the helmet off of his head. Celeste was relieved, he looked like a human again now, and it was so much easier to talk to him like this.

She could feel the conflict inside of him, and it made her heartache to know that if he was strong enough to mask so much emotion, he really must be hurting badly to let it slip through. Or maybe, it was on purpose. To be vulnerable for her. Neither of them really knew for certain.

"Look." He said softly, and she felt as if she was melting at the sound of his voice. Her arm still tingled from where he had grabbed her earlier.

"This isn't the right time, Celeste." Had he ever used her name before? Her heart stopped.

"The right time for what...?" She prodded gently.

He sighed and to her surprise, sat next to her on the bed. She felt her arm pressed against his side as he ran his hands through his disheveled hair, attempting to organize his thoughts.

He groaned softly and collapsed backward suddenly, massaging his temples.

"Sorry, I need to think for a moment on how to phrase this..." She has definitely never heard him apologize. Celeste tentatively laid down beside him, gazing at his face as he stared at the ceiling intently. He was biting his lower lip slightly and fidgeting with his fingernails. Cute. His soft black curls framed his face oh-so-perfectly.

Without thinking, she reached out and brushed a strand from his eyes. He froze, and even his breathing stopped as her fingers grazed his forehead. She pulled away quickly, wondering if she had overstepped some boundary.

"Y-you can touch it m-more...if you want...." Celeste has never heard anyone's voice so quiet. She hesitantly brought her hand back up, softly bringing just two fingers up to his hair, twirling it and twisting it gently. Ren's eyes closed and he seemed a bit less stressed as he pondered what to say.

She carefully scooted closer to him, and suddenly she could smell his hair, she could hear his breathing, and she could feel his heartbeat.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Ren turned his head and opened his eyes. He seemed to drink in the features of Celeste's face, gazing with such intensity she wanted to shrink away. He stared into her eyes, and she almost didn't notice his hand gently taking the back of her neck, and pulling her in.

Again, fireworks exploded in her brain, as he gently kissed her. She couldn't help kissing back and confidentially ran her fingers through his hair. She could have sworn she heard him moan softly but didn't want to push it.

He pulled away suddenly. "Damn it." He seemed distressed, "I'm so sorry, I swear I didn't mean to-" He began. Celeste pressed a finger to his lips.

"Kiss me again?" She breathed, eyes pleading. Ren sighed again, and she could feel him giving into her. His arms wrapped around her and pulled her on top of him as he kissed her. His breath was heavy, his touch was desperate, pulling her in closer with every move, by holding the back of her neck, her hip, her waist, and the small of her back.

Celeste pulled away, trembling, and barely breathing. Her heart couldn't have been beating at a healthy pace.

Something seemed to click in Kylo and he suddenly spoke.

"This can't happen again."

Her heart sank.

"This isn't the right time, Celeste. Surely you understand...." He sounded almost as miserable as she felt.

"This isn't the right time to fall in love with you. I'm sorry." He rolled on top of her and gazed into her eyes again, before kissing her forehead softly, then standing. He adjusted his clothes and pulled his helmet back on.

"This...this never happened." His voice was trembling as he opened the door and walked quickly out, leaving Celeste stranded, alone, both physically and emotionally. She sniffed softly as the door swung shut behind him, and shifted on the bed, laying her head on his pillow.

Suddenly, the combination of emotions that hit her after smelling him on his pillow knocked the wind out of her. She wept quietly. That happened. No matter what he said.

A/N: Hello! If you're enjoying this story so far, please consider leaving comments, votes, add it to your reading lists, or even follow me for more stories in the future. It really means the world to me, and I love seeing everyone's comments and thoughts! This story is currently under editing, and your support keeps me motivated to continue. If you like my writing style, be sure to be on the lookout for more, similar stories in the future! Thank you! :)

EDITED