~ 𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 ~ A Ben Solo/Kylo Ren Story

35.

Ben's grip on the steering wheel of the ship was so tight that his knuckles were turning white. He was shaking. He felt sick. The last thing he wanted to do was leave her, but he knew it was for the best. The rest of the rebels would have killed them both if they knew his identity, he was sure. His eyes glazed over as he put the ship on autopilot. He was going to a deserted, beachy island planet, and he would never see her again. 

He couldn't stop thinking of her smile as he left her hospital room. He knew when he left that he'd never see her again, but all she did was smile and wave him away, feeling relaxed and safe for the first time in months. He knew he was a terrible person to leave her when she was still healing, but he convinced himself it was more dangerous for both of them if he stayed.

He hoped she'd be able to move on, and maybe even forgive and understand him. Over two months was plenty of time for her to think and realize it was better like this. 

He took a deep breath and loosened his grip on the steering wheel as he entered the atmosphere of the faraway planet, switching back into manual controls, landing carefully on the land. He felt his boots sink in the sand with every step he took. It was oddly comforting, much nicer than sinking in snow. 

He watched the waves for a moment, before taking off his bulky coat, cape, and boots. He walked to the edge of the water, letting the water flow up to his ankles. He walked in deeper and sighed. He hoped he'd be able to let her go soon. He wished he could just let go and let his mind wander and relax, but even with the serenity of the ocean around him, he couldn't forget her smile. 

He wished he'd kissed her more while he had the chance. 

~~~~~

A week went by with no news, then 2. The general refused to send out search parties since he wasn't technically part of the resistance, and "If he wants to be here, he'd be here." Celeste couldn't understand why he'd left in the first place. Sure, they hadn't really talked about their plans for after the explosion of the ship, but the implication was that they'd stick together, at least for a little bit. The implication was definitely not "I'll just leave 12 hours into escaping." Celeste scowled. He could have at least left a note. And she still had to wait another month and a half until she was allowed to go after him herself. 

Poe and Finn were rather unhelpful, as well. No one was willing to disobey the general and help her look for him, and Poe seemed to take it as a personal insult that she wanted to find him again. 

"Am I not good enough? Do you not wanna be friends anymore? 'Cause if that's what you're saying, I can take a hint," He asked, annoyed. 

"Poe, please, stop. It has nothing to do with you," She rolled her eyes. "He saved my life, I'd like to figure out who he is and thank him," She was still pretending they had only just met, and that she didn't know him. 

Finn didn't want to take sides, he just wanted everyone to get along, but his refusal to acknowledge that there was a problem was infuriating. She wished she had someone to rant about it too, but that someone had dashed off without warning. 

Another month and a half was so long, he could be a few galaxies over by then, and even then she didn't even know the star system he was in, much less the planet, much less where exactly on the planet. 

If she ever saw him again, she'd punch him and never let him leave again. 

A/N: Hello! If you're enjoying this story so far, please consider leaving comments, votes, add it to your reading lists, or even follow me for more stories in the future. It really means the world to me, and I love seeing everyone's comments and thoughts! This story is currently under editing, and your support keeps me motivated to continue. If you like my writing style, be sure to be on the lookout for more, similar stories in the future! Thank you! :)

EDITED