Fluctuate - Van McCann

27

The door shuts and I hear Van's footsteps walk away from the room. I wonder what he was thinking right now. Did he think we were over? Are we over? No, we can't be. This is just a fight. All relationships have fights, right?

I fall back onto my bed and bury my head into the pillow. It's hard to believe Van was sleeping here just last night. Maybe I'm crazy, but the pillow smelled slightly like him. I don't miss him, though. I just sent him away, after all. I wouldn't do that if I missed him.

~~~~~

The sound of the door opening startles me and I sit up. Was Van here to talk?

Anna walks in, not Van, and I can't tell if I'm relieved or disappointed. "Hey," she greets me. "Sorry. Did I wake you? I figured you'd be awake since it's 4:00," She adds, a laugh at the end.

"No, no. You didn't. I was just laying down. I'm kinda tired," I say. It's true. Arguing with Van and thinking about today really bummed me out.

"Gotcha. Is Van here?" She asks.

"No," I say. "I don't think Van and I are really speaking right now," I admit. "What about Bondy? How are you guys?"

"Not speaking. Girl, you've got to tell me what happened," Anna ignores my question about Bondy. I guess it would be good for me to vent about Van, well, more specifically, Emily.

"Okay," I sigh. "It's a long story...kinda." I lean against the wall that my bed was pressed against and Anna sits next to me.

"I got nothing but time," she shrugs. "Lay it on me."

"Alright. Well, Van and I have English together, which was great and all. But, Emily came in a few minutes after we got our seats and she decided to sit next to Van," I groan. Simply the thought of Emily is making me upset.

"I know this is going to sound stupid, but I just felt like Van was paying more attention to her than me. And it made me wonder if maybe they'd be better together than we are. I mean, they did date, after all," I spill my thoughts.

"That's not stupid, Peyton. I'd feel the same way. It's called being a girl," she shoves my shoulder, making me smile a little. "Anyway, if they dated and broke up, then they had a reason to. If they were good for each other, they'd be together now. Clearly, you and Van have something better than what they had if he's choosing to be with you. And, I know this may be hard to hear, but Emily and Van are from the same place. Their parents are friends. They hung out together. They're likely going to remain friends, but don't let that get to you. He's your boyfriend."

"I don't know about that whole 'your boyfriend' thing anymore," I sigh. "God, I'm such an idiot. He came here after class, like he said he would and he brought me tea. So I yell at him? I'm the worst." I rest my head in my hands and close my eyes.

"Stop saying that. Making a mistake once does not make you an idiot. If that was true, the world would be full of idiots," Anna says.

"It already is," I say back, making her chuckle.

"Okay, maybe it is. But there would be a billion more," she rethinks her statement. "I think you should take to Van, though. Sometimes boys can be stubborn. They're not always going to initiate everything. Although, I'm sure Van will eventually get sick of not being around you."

"Do you really think I should talk to him? I don't know the first thing that I would even say," I say. My mind begins to race, thinking of what I should say.

"Of course you should talk to him. Just tell him how you feel. Tell him exactly what you told me. He'll understand. Van's a reasonable person, at least, that's what I get from Bondy. I don't know him all that well personally," Anna says.

"Ok...I'll talk to him. I just... ugh, I'm such an idiot," I say, thinking back to how stupid I was acting an hour ago.

"No, you're not," Anna tells me, pulling me up from the bed. "Now, go over to Van's and talk to him. I'll text Bondy and tell him to come over here so you guys can have some privacy."

I groan and nod my head. "What would I do without you, Anna?" I say. I don't bother putting on my shoes since it's not like I'm leaving the dorm building or anything.

"You'd crash and burn," She says sarcastically.

"You're probably right," I joke.

I grab my phone and the tea that Van had gotten me from the diner before walking out.

I pass Bondy in the hallway. Anna must have already texted him. "Cheers," Bondy waves at me.

"Hey," I say, rather solemnly if I do say so myself. It wasn't intended to come out that way.

"You know, I don't know what went on with you and Van today, but you guys will be okay. I'm his best mate, and, believe me when I tell you this, Van has never talked to me about any other girl like he has you. You're good for Van... I can tell," he tells me. He has a smile on his face. "Sorry if that was kinda a lot for just a pass by in the hallway. It was just on my mind."

"No, no," I shake my head. "Thank you, actually. I appreciate that. I'll see you around," I say. I wonder if Bondy got his good speaking skills from Anna or if Anna got hers from Bondy? They both seem so eloquent.

"See ya," Bondy nods his head and walks off.

I reach Van's door and stand for a minute, just looking at the white door in front of me. This isn't hard, this is just Van, I remind myself. It's just my boyfriend.

I knock on the door and wait for Van to answer, which he does after a minute.

"Hi," I say. He opens the door further, realizing it's me, and steps outside.

"I brought you some tea," I say, handing him the same cup he gave me. "Sorry, it might be a little cold. A really nice person brought it to me a while ago... and I was a complete dick to them," I explain. My eyes gaze at the ground. "I'm sorry."