Fluctuate - Van McCann

33

(A/N: isn't this picture just so cute?)

Van and I enter his dorm after he texted Bondy, letting him know that I would be staying in their dorm tonight so he could stay at mine with Anna.

"We might have to just make this a regular thing, eh? You and Bondy switch rooms. Don't think Anna or Bonds would mind," Van mentions as he shuts the door. I fall down onto his bed.

"I wouldn't mind that," I say, smiling at the thought of that.

"Wouldn't you, now," he laughs when he notices my smile. He crawls over top of me and lies down on his side, resting his head on one of his hands.

I roll over on my side, my head resting on the pillow, and nod my head. He leans down and pecks my lips. "You know I'm up for anything that you're up for," he smiles and lays his head on another pillow.

Our faces were just a few inches apart. I could smell his comforting scent: cologne with a little bit of smoke. Not the most appealing to most, but I've grown to love it. I close my eyes and sigh, wishing for my relationship with Van to always be this easy, but I know that's not going to be the case. No relationship is.

"What are you thinking of, love?" Van asks, tapping the side of my head. I open my eyes and meet his soft blue eyes.

I shrug. "You?" I say. It wasn't a lie. I was thinking about him. I was thinking about us. But, I was also thinking about Emily. I was thinking about his exes.

"All things good, I hope," Van chuckles. His thumb makes its way to my cheek and makes gentle circles on my skin.

Of course, I wanted to tell Van the truth. I wanted to tell him that I was thinking about Emily and his other exes. I wanted to explain to him how Emily obviously hates me; how it was so clear to see. How I was afraid of becoming one of his exes. How I was afraid he'd want Emily back.

But I didn't.

It was selfish to keep these thoughts from Van, but I wanted to enjoy the night with him. I didn't want it to end it an argument.

"All things good," I lie, reassuring Van.

"You want to get out of these clothes? I guess it's probably not the most comfortable thing to be sleeping in jeans," he raises his eyebrows and sits up in the bed.

"Now that you mention it, yeah. I want to wear one of your shirts again," I say with a cheesy grin. I felt even closer to Van when I was wearing his clothes for some reason.

"One of my shirts? No way," Van says jokingly, making a silly facial expression. He makes his way to his dresser where he starts digging around in his shirt drawer and I sneak up behind him.

He grabs one of his many infamous black T-shirt's and turns around. "How's— Woah, you scared me, darlin," he chuckles. "Didn't even hear you back there."

"They don't call me 'ninja Peyton' for nothing," I say with a smile and take the shirt he was holding out to me.

"'Ninja Peyton,' hm?" He questions. "And who calls you that?"

"Oh, you know," I say. "Just about everyone."

"Right. Well, I apologize for doubting you, Ninja Peyton," he says.

"I'll forgive you, but only if you give me a better shirt. This one is boring," I roll my eyes, giving Van playful sass.

"Boring?" Van exclaims. "This is the most exciting shirt ever. Especially for a ninja like you. All black, eh?"

"Ninjas only wear all black when they're doing ninja things," I say back in a 'duh' voice.

Van opens his mouth as if he is going to start speaking, but then he smirks. "Well, Peyton," he says is a deep voice which makes me feel warm all over. "I'll tell you what; it's either this shirt," he points to his black shirt that I was holding in my hands. "Or no shirt at all."

I try to hold back the smile that was appearing on my face, but fail miserably. My cheeks feel warm and I know I'm blushing, causing me to look down so Van wouldn't have to satisfaction of seeing what he does to me.

He puts two fingers under my chin and slowly lifts my head up so he can look me directly in the eyes.

"What's it gonna be, baby girl?" He leans in close and whispers in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "Do you want the shirt or not?"

I bite my bottom lip and shake my head. "No," I say quietly, my breath taken away by Van's ability to make me feel so vulnerable, so dependent on him. But I loved it. Because I knew I could be vulnerable around him, and I knew I could depend on him.

His hand leaves my chin, but I remain looking at him, taking in his features. He looked flawless. He was perfect to me.

He reaches down for the shirt which I gladly give him. He tosses it aside and puts his hand on my waist, slipping his fingers under my shirt.

He lifts up my shirt and I move my arms so he can take it all the way off. He quickly does the same with his own shirt. "God, you're so beautiful. Inside and out," Van shakes his head and drops our shirts by my feet. "I hope you see that too. Please, tell me you see it too." He tilts his head to the side and pulls me in by the waist, my head resting on his bare chest.

"You make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, Van," I say, my arms wrapped around his body. And I was telling him the truth. Van brought out the best in me.

And I can't lose the person who brings out the best in me.