Slave's Love (Pirate!Spamano)

Capítulo 26 (veintiséis)

!! Racism and homophobia ahead !!  

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Roderich

Tick tack

And another second passed. I stared down at the papers on my desk, words scrapped all over, work in front of me and yet, my mind wouldn't focus and whatever I was doing. My fingers tingled, wanting to reach out just an inch, maybe two, to my right and grab the piece of paper innocently laying on the wooden table. Even my eyes sometimes dared to quickly glance there but with the little power I had, I managed to lock them on my work. Without success, though.

Despite having a vacation, I've decided to work to keep things off my mind. Ever since Elizabeta delivered the invitation, I couldn't think of anything else. In the many years of serving the Habsburg monarchy, I've never gone to the ball. Elizabeta always wanted to go, to dance among the others, dress up and look beautifully, even though she always did look amazing, she never accepted it and only acknowledged it if she wore fancy dresses.

The Hungarian desired to go but knew it was against the moral rules of this society, for a maid to accompany her master to something as extravagant as a Christmas, monarchs-filled ball in a castle. On top of all, I hated going into public, socializing with others and so on. I've always enjoyed my winter vacation by a fireplace, with a book in my hands or perhaps playing away happily on the piano as I never had the chance to do so throughout the year.

However, this time, I felt the need to attend this event. Mainly for Eli, not for me. It was the only way for me to apologize as I didn't know how to do it. Never in my life did I have to apologize for whatever I did, as it was always flawless. Nor did I ever hurt someone as I never really talked with anyone. Of course, meeting monarchs, such as Antonio, was a part of my life from the start but they were also were secure about their feelings and we only talked about politics or such.

Antonio has been different, he always has been; even now, after seeing him after more than a decade, he hadn't changed one bit when it came to his personality. Or, scratch that, even when it came to his appearance. He always had this fond, reassuring semblance around himself and the beaming smile he could pull out only supported his manners and made everyone like him.

And yet, a prince or not, he was never afraid of showing his emotions in public. Unlike the others and I, he's always been straightforward and when he found something he disagreed on with the others, he wasn't afraid to show it. Like slavery; others saw it as a matter of course, something to prove others they had the upper hand and they were rich but he had none of it. That's why, even now, we get into so many disagreements because of things. Of course, I do not even want to think of that one time everything went to hell and although those many years that have passed, we both suffer because of it.

Therefore, me not knowing how to apologize verbally leads to this; accepting the invitation to the ball and hoping Lizzy would like to go again. The invitation now rested in front of me as I silently gazed upon it. I was still contemplating of how to actually do it; just come up to her and ask her? No, she'd know what I have in mind right away. Or perhaps....?

I sighed, irritated with my own stupidity. It couldn't be that hard to ask someone out! But after the thing I caused, maybe it would be. Not to mention, never in my life did I feel so emotional afterwards. I still can't forget the pain I experienced; like my whole world has shattered and even after few days, my heart still ached with just one glance at the pretty Hungarian. I wanted to fall to my knees and beg her, apologize to her, hell, I'd even apologize to Antonio if she wanted me to; I was just afraid of her still rejecting me. I know she isn't like that, she'd think about it but still; we've never fought like that and she must've gone through greater pain than I did.