Slave's Love (Pirate!Spamano)

Capítulo 33 (treinta y tres)

Antonio

I walked about the building, familiar surroundings passing me by and yet I couldn't make them out. They all blurred into small spots across my vision but I could care less as I rather worried about the sensation in my chest and stomach. There was an invisible collar around my neck, tightening up with every day passing. Even if I tried gasping for air, it did nothing and yet, I felt no need in breathing. I only felt like running, running away from this mansion, back on the wide sea where no-one could stop me. With the anxiety being my collar, fear my leash and love a blindfold, wasn't it a good enough reason for me to run away like a coward?

Scream, I needed to scream. Scream for help, for someone to save me because I was falling apart, I was getting eaten by hungry waves and my limbs weren't strong enough to keep me at the surface. I wanted to breathe, I wanted to wake up. This nightmare called life, why was it torturing me? Was it because of the things I've done in the past? Was it because of the countless people I striped of life?

The pain in my chest, the twisted stomach in my body, my shaking hands and rapid beating heart – was I really such a terrible human being to deserve all of this? I'd rather get shot or stabbed than this. Maybe that's what I was ought to do all this time; if I wasn't to leave this place just yet, maybe it was the best for me to end it like this. But then again, a certain young man would be left alone. A certain ship and crew would be left alone, too. Why was I so selfish to only think about myself? They were the ones who built up my whole life, I couldn't just let go of it.

Even if I desperately wanted to. Even if it were to end my suffering.

Why do they matter, ¿chico? They're just keeping you away from finally doing something for yourself.

I looked about myself; no-one. There was no-one in the hallway except me so where the hell was the voice coming from?

Oh, Antonio, my dearest Antonio; you fucking idiot. Stop being like that, think about yourself for once!

I shook my head, covering my ears and breathing lowly. Its voice was smooth but evil. My heart was filling with panic and my mind began to twist, came to a stop and then ran around like a scared animal. This thing in my head reminded me of those demons Roma fought with. Why me and why now? This was a really bad timing.

Chico, I've been here the whole time. You just didn't let your guard down for which I have to praise you but now... It laughed deviously, fang-like teeth uncovered in the evil grin. It's my time to shine.

I worried my bottom lip; This is a real bad time to do this; Roma needs me more than ever. Meeting with your long-lost relative wasn't an everyday thing, I still remembered the anxiety I got when I met my brother after over a decade of not seeing him. He was the one who got me through everything, it was only a matter of course for me to support him as well.

The creature scoffed, yawning and stretching in my mind castle. Is it really him who needs you or is it you who needs him? What are you, a coward? Ever since he waltzed into your life, you couldn't take care of yourself. You know, it must be annoying after such a long time. Taking care of someone like you, with so many issues. It made a Tsk sound and shook its head, Really, I wouldn't be surprised if Roma just told you to fuck off. And you know what? Maybe he will. Maybe he'll realise his place is here, by his brother's side who's richer, smarter and also more save for him. You're just putting him into danger all the time, Jesus Christ. I mean, look how Javier ended up, right?

Air stopped its journey into my lungs. No, not this. It couldn't just say something like this. It was Javier's own decision to do that, I never wanted him to leave! I would never even think about him leaving my side; he was a precious friend of mine. I wouldn't let anything bad happen to him.