My diary of life

The new start

Today I go back to school today it's a new start to change everything that I don't like about myself. It's a new start a new me I am going to do a lot of things to change like I am going to lose weight and I am going to learn how to do my makeup and stuff like that. I am going to try my best to smile more and not worry about my problems.I am going to change for the better and I promise myself that I will do I am. People look at me like that if I was weak people think just because I don't defend myself people think that I am weak useless.I still feel sad but I am not going to show it because I don't want anyone to worry about me.This pass few days that I have not been in school made me realize that I should not change for someone I should change for myself.My confidence is gone but I can get that back with putting myself to do things that I don't even think I could do.Theres a lot of times when I am happy is the morning but then I see him with her and my mood change for the whole day.I start thinking that I am not good enough for him even if I try to have change so much so that I could be good enough for him but I am never good enough for him why.This pass few days that I have not been at school I kept thinking about him and how I need to change who I am to be someone who is good enough for him but I am never going to be good enough for him. Every time that I try to not think of him I kept thinking about him.Why do I feel useless,weak,ugly,fat,and boring.Now that it's a new year I feel and hope that this year is going to be better than last year when I feel happy at first and then pain a lot of pain and played.This year I am not going to show my emotions or at least I am going to try not to show my emotions.Why do my friends care about me when I don't even care about myself.Some of my old friends ask me why did I change and I told them that I been hurt so many times and I don't want to be hurt again but I keep getting hurt. Sometimes I wish I could be happy and I try so hard to be happy but when I am happy someone bad happens.I think is all for this chapter.