Jade Thirlwall One Shots

Lonely

*Warning, this chapter includes self-harm, please do not read if this could be triggering to you

"Pathetic"

"Stupid"

"Worthless"

She said those words to herself as she looked into her bathroom mirror.

"That's why no one can love you," she mumbled to herself. She looked down to her hand. A razor occupying it. Her hands trembled as she touched the sharp blade to her wrist. She slowly ran the blade across her skin. The open wound stung as she repeated the motion a few more times.

One for Sam.

One for Jed.

And a few more to all those failed relationship attempts.

The girls were on a break after their long tour for the LM5 album. They had almost two months off to do whatever they wanted. The other three girls saw that as a dream while Jade saw it as her worst nightmare.

Jesy was off with Chris. It was their anniversary soon so the pair were planning on spending some alone time together in Chris's hometown before traveling to Amsterdam for a week or two.

Leigh-Anne was in Jamaica for a while visiting her grandparents and other relatives that she doesn't see often. When she gets back however her and Andre are planning on going to Dubai to visit one of their favorite resorts.

Perrie was spending the break with Alex. She was traveling to his games all over Europe and wouldn't be back until the end.

Even Jade's family and friends were busy. Her mam had taken Shireen and Karl's family to Australia to visit relatives. Jade couldn't go since they had left while the girls were still working and doing promo. Her dad had a business meeting in Liverpool, so obviously she couldn't disturb him there. Her other close friends were also spending time with their loved ones since it was around the holiday season.

That left Jade alone in her empty apartment. The only thing keeping her company was the razor she had used so many times. While she couldn't talk to it, it gave her the same relief talking did. She wasn't sure when it had started, all she knew was that it was going to be hard to stop.

Perrie did invite Jade to come with her to some of Alex's games near the end. Jade declined though, not wanting to feel like a third wheel. She knew how hard long distance relationships were and didn't want to take any time away from Perrie and Alex. Perrie understood that but was still sad knowing one of her best friends was spending their time off alone.

A burning sensation stirred Jade from her thoughts. She looked to her arm and saw blood starting to trickle out. She quickly turned the faucet on and placed her arm under the warm water, wincing as the water made contact with the open cuts.

She dabbed it dry and took a few bandages out from her cabinet and gently placed them on the wounds. She left the bathroom and saw the moon from her bedroom window. She wasn't sure how long she had been in the bathroom, but she definitely knows that it was daytime when she went in.

She strolled into her kitchen to make some dinner. She wasn't feeling too hungry, but knew she needed something in her as she had skipped breakfast after sleeping in too long and didn't eat lunch because she had gotten caught up in writing a song. A song that contained all the pain she has felt the past few months.

She opened the cabinet to find it nearly empty. She hadn't gone shopping the entire time she was home. She sighed as she saw a small can of soup in the back and reached for it. She quickly fixed it up and made some tea.

She brought her dinner to the couch with her and grabbed the fuzzy blanket that was next to her. She wrapped it around her and put the tray containing her soup and tea on her lap. She took a sip of her tea and pulled out her phone. She logged into Instagram and scrolled through her feed.

Seeing that each of the girls had posted pictures of them in their various destinations, she quickly liked each of their posts and commented things like "Beautiful" or "Stunning."

She scrolled some more until she checked her notifications. She saw a few edits that fans had made and liked them until she came across a post that multiple people tagged her in. Confused, she tapped on the picture to see it bigger.

Her heart dropped at what she saw. It was a picture of Jed with his arm around some girl with the caption. "My boo." Jade could feel the tears welling up. She knew who the girl was. She was a friends of Luke's, a member of Jed's band. She knew Jed had hung out with her before but also knew that they weren't close enough to be posting those types of pictures.

That's when the tears started falling. She knew she shouldn't be upset about it. The pair had broken up during summer. But it hurt Jade knowing that Jed has moved on and she was still hung up over him.

Before she could think about it anymore, her phone went off and a text message popped up at the top of her phone. She tapped on it and smiled when she saw Leigh-Anne's name. Leigh has texted her almost every night during the break. Just checking in to make sure she's okay.

"Hey, how's you're day been? x" -Leigh-Anne

Jade reads the text and takes a minute to think of what to say. Unsure of how to answer, she just types a simple response.

"I'm alright x," -Jade

Not even two seconds later her phone began to ring. Jade expected this. Normally her replies consist of everything she had done that day, followed by a joke or a meme. Her response this time had been very short and bland, not filled with her quirky humor. Jade quickly composed herself before answering the call.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Hey, are you okay? You didn't seem happy when you texted," Leigh asked, her voice full of concern. Jade felt guilty that she was causing her distress, so she just gave her another excuse.

"Yeah, I just didn't do much today. I'm also really tired so I couldn't think of anything else," she said, adding a small chuckle at the end. Luckily her laugh didn't come out as forced and her tone was believable.

"Oh alright. Get some sleep love. I'll talk to you tomorrow," Leigh-Anne said ending the call. Jade took a breath of relief as the call ended. She didn't want the girls who were happy on vacation, stressing out over her. She couldn't do that to them.

Unfortunately the girls already knew that Jade wasn't okay. In fact Jesy was the first one to say something. Even though all four of them were in separate parts of the world, they had been in communication.

Jesy had seen the post on Instagram and quickly called the other two to let them know. Jade's empty response to Leigh confirmed her thoughts that Jade must've seen it. Each of the girls were planning on doing something. They weren't sure what they were going to do or how they were going to do it. But they needed to pull their friend out of the darkness.

a/n: part 2?