he's in the rain [pentagon]

i'm afraid i'm blind

the rain is a comfort
let's him breathe
let's him stay calm
the smell of smoke and rain
intoxicating his nostrils

***

shinwon looked at his phone silently reading all the concerned messages being sent. but he believed they were fake, that his head was playing tricks on him. his mind does it a lot he wouldn't be shocked. he scratched at his thighs, feeling a few scabs open, bleeding through his black jeans. he smiled at the look of the blood through the his jeans. it felt good. it let him be free. and then he looked up, about thirty feet away stood his desk mate, joshua.

"shit," shinwon cursed staring at the younger. the nineteen day younger walked over to shinwon and sat down.

"if i'm being honest, i would've thought you would've ran away a lot sooner." joshua said softly. shinwon stayed silent. "i saw the way you were left out, but you are such a good hyung to your little bros. and i think your hyungs could learn a thing or too from you." joshua smiled, glancing at the rain covered boy next to him.

"my hyungs didn't care that i was missing did they?" shinwon asked simply. "they were very worried but to be honest, your little brothers were more worried." joshua said his hand interlaced with shinwon's.

"yanan cried didn't he?" shinwon asked squeezing joshua's hand.

"he cried so hard." joshua shook his head. "i need to go comfort him." shinwon said standing up, his pack of cigarettes and lighter falling out of his jacket.

"those aren't good for you." joshua said helping the boy grab his stuff. "it's just one pack." shinwon said picking them up.

shinwon walked into his house behind joshua before immediately running over to yanan and wooseok who were sobbing into eachother. paying no attention to his hyungs but instead making sure the younger ones knew he was safe. "i'm so sorry." he said hugging his younger brothers tightly.

"it's fine hyung." they all said. hongseok quietly approached shinwon his face apologetic. shinwon hugged his hyung tightly. and the elder reacted by putting his arms around shinwon as well. "wow hyung you really are ripped." shinwon mumbled causing hongseok to laugh. hyojong, jinho, and hoetaek stayed at the side.

yanan and wooseok clung onto shinwon, they didn't want him to leave. he stayed on th couch with both boys asleep on him. "shinwon." jinho said sitting down next to the boy.

"yes hyung?" shinwon said looking down at the two boys in his lap.

"i am so sorry." jinho said sincerely. shinwon looked at the boy. "hyung can i ask you a question?" shinwon said looking at jinho.

jinho nodded, "you know how we have everyone's birth certificates. why have i never seen mine?" shinwon asked.

jinho sucked in a breath, "shinwon the reason why is because when you were about two, i was five and hoetaek was four. and we were messing around in appa's office and ripped a bunch of papers up, and one of those papers was your birth certificate." jinho explained, it wasn't true but it's what he said.

"wow this whole time i thought i was adopted or something but no, you and hyung were just annoying toddlers." shinwon laughed.

jinho and shinwon stayed on the couch, "do you forgive me shinwon?" jinho asked looking at the two sleeping boys.

"hyung no. no i don't." shinwon said that causing jinho to get upset. "you forgave hongseok!" jinho yelled at the younger.

"hongseok hyung didn't do anything wrong, that's why i forgave him." he stated running his fingers through wooseok curly hair.

"fuck off shinwon." jinho yelled running upstairs.

shinwon gently shook yanan and wooseok awake, "i love you guys but i gotta pee." he mumbled as the two youngsters got off his lap. while he was walking towards the bathroom he passed by jinho's room. his hyung was holding onto his phone and face timing his girlfriend, his eyes looked tear stained. shinwon walked into the bathroom,

when shinwon walked out of the bathroom jinho's door was closed. he sighed and sat down leaning against it, he felt bad he hurt his hyung. his hyung didn't deserve the pain. but shinwon felt that he deserved the pain rather than his hyung. and with the cigarettes and lighter in his pocket he went behind the house in the rain.