Lavender Thorns

Chapter 5- Virgil

Trigger Warning: Panic attack, mild tho.

I know I sounded rash towards him. He was only asking my name. I didn't have a problem with my name, I had given it to Logan easily, but something about this guy made me want to test his patience. 

I'd probably regret it eventually though.

I didn't get much sleep afterwards, maybe an hour or two tops. I gave up on sleep after awhile and just got ready freakishly early.

Due to my anxiety, my thoughts race around when I should be sleeping, and when I am sleeping, I get horrid nightmares that cause me to wake in a cold sweat, with tears in my eyes.

So I just didn't sleep, which may not be the best approach, but whatever. I'm still alive... barely.

I walked out of my room, a small pile of clothes in my arms as I walked to the bathroom and got in the shower.

I came out of the shower, my hair wet, my shoulders wet- It was a shower. It was water.

I hummed the Black Parade quietly while I got ready, brushing my teeth and applying eyeshadow and foundation to cover my freckles. 

I finished up and walked into the kitchen, making a huge cup of coffee, black as my soul, and grabbed a granola bar from god knows where.

My black messenger bag was swung over my shoulder and I had my black hoodie on, with a dark purple shirt underneath and black ripped jeans. I had hightop Vans on and my hair was sweeped over my eyes.

I looked like a classic emo, that managed to also seem like a college student at the same time. Which is what I am.

I grabbed my keycard and put it in my wallet as I plugged in my headphones and put it in my bag.

I scrolled through my music for a moment, hitting my playlist titled: "I don't have enough energy, so have some music to prevent murder." 

My mood every morning honestly.

I walked down the sidewalk of the campus, taking in the crisp autumn air. It reminded me of when I was younger and I'd run through the woods, Remy on my heels as we ran from Cassidy.

Cassidy would run after us, wheezing from laughter as we played tag, and-

I need to stop. I'm getting caught in a memory that I can't be in anymore.

Those days are over. Cassidy moved away to college two years ago, me and Remy are older now. We aren't in contact with him anymore, it's just us. 

The only thing that holds us together are the Bancrofts, we're basically brothers now..

I smiled at the memories of us as kids. 

I had trouble letting people in, but the two of them had somehow wedged their way into my life, and refused to leave. The Bancrofts followed after, and I refuse to let anymore people in.

My walls will crumble if I let more people in. They'll deteriorate and I'll be vulnerable.

Everyone will see the worst of me, and I'm not ready for that.

I just have to keep my head low and stay out of sight. 

I blinked and realized my body had gone on autopilot as I had my internal monologue. My cup of coffee was halfway empty and I was fueled by anxiety and caffeine.

I sighed and stepped inside, walking into the auditorium after roaming around, visibly confused for ten minutes.

I was like an hour early though, so it didn't matter.