Lavender Thorns

Chapter 27

TW: Quite a bit of cursing, fighting, offensive wording, hurt

A/N: I usually don't put trigger warnings, but the angst requires it.

     Virgil gulped, the tips of his fingers tapping his thigh in a steady, persistent beat. He was sat next to Logan in the front seat of the car, the other two in the back. For once, nobody spoke. Roman played on his phone, with a dark expression, while Virgil looked a word from a panic attack.

      Logan and Patton didn't entirely know what to do, and the uncomfortable silence of the car made them keep quiet, as hard as it was for the latter.

      Eventually, the group reached the dorm building, a few stories high. It was about midnight, so the silence droned on, the only halt to it being the occasional college student that would walk by, chattering loudly about how 'amazing' the dance had been.

       Virgil couldn't disagree more.

      Maybe if he hadn't gone, he wouldn't have felt guilty for getting a suit with his friends' money. Maybe if he hadn't gone, he wouldn't have had a panic attack.

      Maybe, if he hadn't gone, he wouldn't have fucked everything up and hurt Roman.

      It felt odd, because this was expected sooner or later, due to the fact Virgil believed he screwed everything up, and any chance at a decent relationship (if only platonic) would crash and burn eventually.

     Well, except Remy and Janus. That was different, they knew what to expect and when, they knew what each tick or fidget meant, what each tone of voice said about Virgil's anxiety.

     Roman didn't though, and he was going to end up getting hurt eventually, just like everyone else. It just happened to be now, instead of later.

     So why did it hurt so goddamn much?

      The group reached their dorm, and everyone walked in quietly, going to their respective rooms in the darkness. Well, Logan went into Patton's room, as if they needed to speak about something.

     Once the door shut behind the emo residing in the room, the tears and sobs came like a tidal wave, surging and building. They were quiet, as with every time he cried, so nobody would be able to hear him.

     A fit of frustration and rage welled up in his chest and he took of the stuffy blazer quickly, throwing it across the room to land in his clothes hamper, on top of a random black hoodie. Virgil's eyeliner and shadow ran down his face, and upon looking in the mirror, he chuckled darkly. He looked like a preppy cheerleader with too much makeup that had just been broken up with by the quarterback.

    Oh, how his life was a mess.

...

      Tears welled up in Roman's eyes once the door shut to his room, a hand coming to rest on the doorframe and hold him up. It was so infuriating to know it had been his fault yet not at the same time, like he didn't know why Virgil had pulled back so quickly. He clearly hadn't asked for it, and clearly didn't want it.

     It was bright as day.

      Roman couldn't help but be mad though, because it felt like some stupid game, like the emo had gambled with his feelings just to throw them out so quickly.

      The tall man was mad at himself too though, to fall for yet another dream, that shouldn't have been chased after in the first place. What was he hoping for? Virgil to like him back, in the same way he did? To want to be with him?