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I woke up in a sweat. My heart felt like jumping out of my chest. I had goosebumps all over my skin and tears streaming down my face.
Craig was in my dream.
It felt so real! I just wanted him to hug me one last time. I wish I had the chance! I'm so fucking angry with myself.
I covered my face and cried into my hands.
I should've been there at home not doing stupid shit. I could've stopped it. I could've!
I lost my brother to some stupid ass gang shit. My brother could've been here. He should've lived!
I can't do this without him. Hes been by my side non-stop, he never left me. I can't believe this is how his life had to end.
I laid on my side and rocked my self back and forth as I cried silently. Memories flashed through my mind.
All the things he's said to me.
He was the best fucking person i knew. Nobody will ever understand the pain im going through.
I sat up in my bed with my head in my hands. I wanted to scream. I cant do this.
I hate this pain.
I got up and looked through my luggage that Jahseh had me pack.
I shouldn't do this but I need to feel numb now more than ever.
I grabbed my bag of skag. I had a little bit left from 6ix9ine. I should make it last since Jahseh warned me saying he'll never give me the drugs..
And I'm not going back to 6ix9ine.
I snuck out of the room Jahseh assigned to me and headed towards his kitchen he'd shown me earlier.
I poured a bit on the table and cut it into lines, snorting it up. Relaxation hit me.
I almost let out a sigh, if I didn't realize jahseh's room is closest to the kitchen.
But thats what it does to me. It makes me feel good. It's like the drug picks up my worries and keeps it out of my mind.
I poured another small batch and did the same.
"Give me that shit."
I jumped at the sound of his voice.
"You think I'd fall asleep with a drug addict in ma house? Give me the bag."
"N-No!"
He tilted his head and gripped my hair, twisting it around his fist, pushing me to the ground.
I whimpered as I felt my rib hit the ground, hard. "F-Fuck!" I cried out.
He stepped over me and reached for the bag, pouring the powder in the trash. He opened a coke can and poured it in to make sure I wouldnt try and reach for the skag. "Get up."
