Letters To Myself

6

I didn't have a good morning.

My body aches and I was on the verge of tears.

For just once...I wished my brain would just turn off.

I couldn't even find peace in my escape from reality.

Either I'm overthinking, hella emotional, or forgetting small things.

Being forgetful isn't like me.

I don't like it. 

I'm often repeating myself because I don't remember saying something earlier. 

I've noticed the change in myself.

Everything is different...how I think.

I was told that I try to control what goes on around me and in my head which is why I'm stuck in the cycle.

Yet, I'm also told to control my negative thoughts.

Which one is it?

I understand that most storms that people have are the ones that they brought upon themselves and expect people to hold the umbrella to keep them from being wet.

Am I purposely doing this to myself? Am I purposely torturing myself for pity?

Am I purposely allowing my weight to drop, my hair fall out, and struggle with the thought of ending it all for some pity?!

sigh.

I was determined to have a good day. 

I am determined to make sure that my girls have a good day. If I have to wear a mask in spite of the pain, I will do it for my kids.

But, honestly, I'm tired.