No Strings Attached - Sanders Sides

Part Twelve - Patton

I slammed my bedroom door, not caring about the picture frames that I could hear shatter as they fell off the wall and onto the hard floor. I didn't contain it anymore. I just cried. I was so angry and afraid and worried and upset all at the same time.

My back fell against the wall, sliding down it until my butt hit the floor and my knees were hugging my chest. I removed my glasses to wipe my face off. I had so many thoughts in my head and I didn't know how to address any of them.

I was angry at Logan. I don't understand why he can't just believe me! Anxiety isn't a bad guy, we just don't know a lot about him yet. If we took time to know him, heck, if we took the time to understand Deceit, Remus, AND, Anxiety things would work a lot better around here for Thomas.

I'm afraid and worried about my anxious friend. He all of the sudden just...stopped talking. I know what Deceit and Remus are capable of. I'm just worried their punishing him for talking to me. Not in the way Logan and Roman talk to me and try to convince me that he's bad. More like...Deceit and Remus...hurting him. I sobbed again just thinking about it.

And I'm upset at myself. I shouldn't have yelled at Logan. I know he's only trying to protect me. I wish I could take it all back. I wish Roman never made me talk about my connection with Anxiety. I wish everything could how it was when Thomas was a boy. I wish.

When did things change? Why did we spread apart? Thomas' problems are something we just face together. I know as Thomas grew up and his schooling got harder, Logan fizzled off to focus on getting his work, schedule, and time management together. Then it was just Roman and I.

That was fine, but it wasn't the same. At all. Even then, when Thomas went into high school, the stakes for theater got higher and higher. That left Roman tired most days. Just collapsing into bed after a long days work.

So then it was me. Myself and Thomas against the world. It wasn't that Roman and Logan stopped helping, but they didn't spend all day at the control plan with Thomas as he went throughout his day. They worked when they were needed. Which meant we didn't see each other all day anymore. It tore our family apart! Why did that happen?

"P-Patton?" I heard Logan stuttered from the other side of my door. I wiped my nose and dried my eyes with the sleeve from my cardigan. I stayed quiet, listening for him to speak again. "I-I'm sorry. About everything I've said. I know it's hard for me to admit I'm wrong sometimes but, I clearly see I've crossed a line with you."

I sobbed again, quieting it with my hand. All my emotions were shot. I didn't know how to react. I was grateful that he was sorry, but I didn't know what to say. I stood up from my seat on the floor, trying to make it look as if I hadn't just cried my eyes out. I opened the door, my head peeking out.

"Oh Patton." Logan cooed, pulling me from my room and into his arms. I cried some more into his shoulder, clutching on to him as if I needed him to survive. He rubbed my back, trying to calm me down. Once I was able to breathe again, I pulled back, looking at him.

Logan looked like he had ran his fingers through his hair about a million times. His tie was loosened and his hands were sweaty. His eyes read total remorse while his body language was reclusive and scared. "Patton, I'm so sorry. I just want you to know that...you matter to me. And I was letting my goal of keeping Thomas successful and happy blind your opinion and what it means to me."

"Oh Logie." I said, wiping my tearing eyes. "It's means a lot it hear you say that." Logan grew a smile, his cheeks reddening up. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to your warnings either. I know you just want to protect Roman, Thomas, and I but...I just see so much of myself in Anxiety." I struggled to explain.

"What do you mean?" He riddled me.

"I mean...he's so curious and shy. All he wants is to better Thomas but he doesn't understand what his existence means to him. It just reminds me of myself when I first formed." Logan nodded, trying to wrap his head around that concept.

"I understand. You're very empathetic. I cannot get mad at you for that. Thank you for telling me that." I hugged Logan one last time, saying goodbye to him as he disappeared into his room. I shut my door, my heart fluttering with nerves. I was happy that Logan wasn't mad at me anymore.

I took a look at my clock, Thomas should be getting into bed any second. I figured I should too. I went into my closet, grabbing my favorite cat onesie. I slipped into it, removing my clothes and putting them in my blue laundry hamper.

I plopped into my bed, taking a deep breath. I couldn't describe what I was feeling right now. I felt like I had failed Anxiety. There I was, about to go visit him. But my ignorance got ahead of me. Dragging me into the imagination to get knocked out by the mind shutting down.

I felt bad, but Anxiety would never know. He didn't know I was trying to see him. He didn't have any part in it. I hope he's okay. I just...hope he's okay.

My clock turned to 9:00pm. I shut my eyes, letting the sounds of my ticking clock soothe me to sleep.