Eternal Sunshine ✓

20. Real Feelings

"Steven."

"Mhm?"

"Steeeeeeeven. Wake up!"

Steven slapped Tasha's hand away. "I'm tired, Tasha. Let me sleep."

"But I came all the way to your house."

He turned to look at her, struggling to fully open his eyes. "Turn on the TV, put on a show on Netflix."

Tasha crossed her arms in annoyance. "I wanna go out, we haven't had a day out in so long. I could always call Jason if you're too tired to come with me..."

It was so wrong. She knew it was wrong, yet she did it more and more frequently. Using Jason to get to Steven. They weren't her best moments, but she had to admit that it worked on Steven.

"Fine." Steven sat up in his bed, head against the headboard, the blanket falling down to reveal his bare chest. "What do you wanna do?"

Tasha did all she could to avoid looking at his body. She walked over to his messy desk, her mind flashing back to the moment when her lips touched his.

"We could go thrift shopping? We haven't thrifted in a while."

Tasha and Steven's days out together were memorable for both of them. What they did varied depending on their moods and what they were up for. One time, they had decided to drive around just looking for yard sales and see if they'd find anything cool.

Another time they'd made a list of missions to accomplish, from finding 3 payphones to finding a set of twins at the mall, their days were always fun.

"Okay, let's do that. But first, let me go shower." He got up from the bed and grabbed his phone from the desk, kissing her forehead before heading to his bathroom.

Tasha took a deep breath.

It was getting harder and harder to resist Steven. She kept thinking about a relationship with him, but every time she did, she would mildly panic. Her sister had told her that it was because she had real feelings for him.

"You're scared of being with him because he'd be able to break your heart, so you can't let go," Janelle, her sister, had told her truthfully.

Now Tasha could admit it to herself, she was indeed scared of being left heartbroken. What if Steven found someone better than her? Someone way prettier, smarter, someone who was more confident?

Though she hated herself for leading Jason on, she was truly looking to fall in love with him. She knew it was possible, even heard of stories from people in arranged marriages who were able to fall in love.

Plus, Tasha was a realist. She knew love was a choice. Attraction and feelings of connection were not, but love was a choice. Making a choice to be there for the other person, to stand by their side, compromising and learning to grow with them.

It didn't matter that she and Steven had a connection, at the end of the day it really didn't matter.

She smiled thinking about Jason. She couldn't deny that he was a sweetheart. Although he attended a different high school and worked most days during the day at his father's office, he made sure to always clear his evenings for her.

He'd pick her up at about 7 pm and they'd go over to his house and just bake. He had told her that was his way of distressing and she'd been pleasantly surprised by the feeling of accomplishment and ease after baking a batch of cookies.

Sometimes when they had homework, they'd both sit on his bedroom floor and work the evening away. By 10 pm she was usually back home, he would drop her off and greet her parents before leaving. A total gentleman like always.