Eternal Sunshine ✓

40. Epilogue

Epilogue

TASHA

7 Months Later

Everyone that really knows me knows that I hate early mornings.

Even just the idea of waking up early gives me anxiety and causes metaphorical rashes to break out all over my skin. So, why is it that for the past year, waking up early hasn't been as tasking for me?

Yes, you guessed it-Steven. I'm sure you're either rolling your eyes in disbelief or smiling like a schoolgirl at my claim. Either way, hear me out.

I don't believe that a relationship makes all things in life better. Hell, no. That isn't the case. I would even go as far as to say that some arguments and experiences with Steven have left me depleted and completely drained, both emotionally and...in other more positive ways (if you know what I mean).

I recognize that relationships are difficult. Two people, with two completely different personalities, some differences in their outlooks on life, who are coming together to do life as a team. That commitment takes WORK.

Steven and I have a small disagreement almost every day. I'll admit, most of the time I'm the one who gets an attitude, but please don't assume his boxers aren't in a twist many times also.

Look at last week, the man was really mad because I, and I quote, "Did not notice that the fucking Starbucks barista was looking at my ass." Seriously, y'all.

But not only does his jealousy often cause arguments between us, but he can also be randomly moody and be hurt by the most mundane stuff I say. Last week, I told him I didn't need him to cook for us and we should order takeout instead. Guess what happened? He accused me of not liking his pasta.

By the way, I don't hate his pasta (although it can be very dry at times), but I honestly was craving some shrimp-fried rice that day. That petty argument lasted one hour and ended with him sitting me on the kitchen counter and kissing the living hell out of me.

And yet, I can't help but smile every time I reflect on the fun, fulfillment, and beauty of being in a relationship with someone who seeks to find the best in you and loves you through your struggles.

Steven isn't perfect and neither am I, but we never claim or behave as though we know everything about everything. We're both broken, annoying, and often trashy people who aspire to build something authentic together.

Just yesterday, I got so emotional when Steven took me out to dinner. It wasn't the fact that he took me out that made me tear up, but I got emotional when, over our dinner, he directed his full attention to me and asked me how my classes went.

He knows how much I've been struggling with my French and Statistics classes. Trying to keep all A's in college is already proving itself to be extremely hard for me, and Steven knows that, so his question just reminded me of how blessed I am.

After a frustrating day, I have Steven to come home to, and that always makes things better.

So, yes. I'm not ashamed to say that the love Steven and I are building is one of the main reasons why I have the strength to wake up early less begrudgingly than I used to.

And, despite our arguments, Steven ends each day by telling me how much he loves me and I respond back despite how pissed I may be at him.

"I love you, Tasha," he always starts with those same words, warming up my heart. "More every day. You know that, right?"

And I'm compelled to respond with the same honesty, "Of course I know you love me, Steven. And I love you, too. More and more."

Finally choosing to love him has been the best decision I've ever made. A choice that I still make every day as our lives continue to intertwine. Our love isn't always pretty or conventional. It is difficult at times, even painful.

I used to think that our love should always look good, always shine bright, and come easily. But I've realized that the goal isn't to create a relationship that just makes it simple for us to love and be loved, rather it should consist of us striving and choosing each day to love even through the uneasiness.

In choosing Steven each day, my heart has reached a definite conclusion: Steven is my eternal sunshine and I'm so glad that I'm his as well.

The End