Eternal Sunshine ✓

37. Let It Go

TASHA

"I swear I was this close to breaking Thomas' hand with his dumbass self trying to actually give excuses over that racist shit he did."

Everyone around the table shakes their heads in both disgust and disbelief. The events that have transpired in the last couple of days have truly left all of us baffled at the audacity that some people possess. The caucasity, some would say

To be honest, though, I'm over it. Not that I don't believe in justice or the fact that the culprits deserve punishment for their actions-I'm simply too tired to be angry. To think that black people go through worst shit than this on a daily basis adds more to my frustration, which is why I'm trying to disengage from what happened.

"You should have at least ruffed them up a little bit, Malik!" Kennedy exclaims disappointedly. "I wish I was there, someone would have gotten these hands."

Janelle, Nelson, and Malik laugh at Kennedy's words as I roll my eyes at her and chew away at my stale pepperoni pizza. Even though my friends are not supposed to be here this lunch period, because of the racist shit Thomas and Henry pulled, teachers have been cutting slack on me and my friends by allowing them to change their schedules a bit.

"No, he shouldn't have hurt them, Kennedy. Guys, seriously can we talk about something else? Steven will be here soon and y'all know how he'll get," I chime in, earning blank looks from all of them.

Janelle, totally ignoring me as always, keeps talking about the darn subject, "Yo, but the craziest part about what went down is that they really were pressed over basketball...like, what?!"

Nelson also speaks up, "Right, and to think that they actually thought that reasoning was not twisted. Goes to show how racism is so ingrained in the fabric of Crest Bay."

I sigh deeply, giving up on changing the topic of the conversation and just resort to eating away at my disappointing meal.

"That's what I'm saying, man! It's like we can't just have a civil conflict without black people being insulted for simply being black." Malik is clearly frustrated, which makes me feel as though he has experienced many scenarios as he's just described.

"And," Kennedy states pointedly, "the gag is that it isn't even Tasha's fault that Steven hasn't been on his best game. Yet instead of blaming or insulting him which is their right, they attack his black girlfriend. Ain't that crazy?"

A silence falls upon our table as I continue chewing on my tasteless food, hoping with everything in me that the lines at the restroom hold Steven for a while. This conversation would definitely agitate him, especially if he were to find out the twisted reason why his teammates wrote obscenities on my locker.

Suddenly, I panic. "Does he know?!"

No one answers me so I ask again, "Please someone tell me that Steven doesn't know why those two wrote that shit."

Since I get no answer, I'm now in a full-blown panic. He can't know. Steven for some stupid reason already seems to believe that I don't want him as much as I claim I do, meaning that he's anxious about showing me that being with him would always be bliss.

Of course, I've been attempting to show him in every way possible that my love for him won't sway due to life's stressors-as long as he's faithful to our relationship, I'll always love him.