A Girl Named Callie

<Callie> A Girl Who Can't Sleep

Chapter 43

<Callie Stevens>

Andrew has been gone for three months. He tries to write and call when he can but it takes weeks for the letters to reach me and the service is so spotty that I often don't get to talk to him for longer than ten minutes. He tries his best to reassure me that he is okay, that he will be home soon but whenever I hang up my chest tightens thinking about how that may be the last time I talk to him. The caller I.D. of the base is like an electric shock in my fingertips every time it flashes on my phone screen. Instead of thinking it could be Andrew calling, I stare at the flashing number on the screen and contemplate what bad news awaits me when I pick it up.

Julio and Vanessa are walking on eggshells around me. Luciana doesn't understand why I'm so tense. She tries to cheer me up with crayon drawings of cats and games of dolls where everyone ends up with a happily ever after. The ring weighs heavy on my finger, like I am already carrying around his ashes, mourning a death that hasn't happened yet. It haunts my every moment.

Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat and I have to take off the ring because my anxiety-riddled brain has imagined it is his dismembered finger blown off in a plane explosion. Julio and Vanessa will come in when they hear me shriek. Julio makes me tea and Vanessa holds me until I stop shaking. I have heard them talking through the thin walls of my room about moving to a new place but Julio always stops Vanessa before the talks become more than musings. I am always grateful when he says he wants to stay. It gives me comfort knowing I don't have to come home to an empty house, perpetually alone with my thoughts.

I roll over when my alarm begins to ring and I press snooze, slowly sitting up on my pillows. I hear noise outside my bedroom door; Julio cooking and Luciana playing with her dolls. I slide out of bed and find my way to my bathroom. I perform my morning routine to the best of my abilities running on three hours of sleep. I pull on a pair of black jeans and a green polo with the words "Mike's Diner" printed on the breast pocket. I grab the matching apron and sling my purse over my shoulder. A month into Andrew's deployment, I picked up a second job; mostly to keep myself busy but the extra money from my shifts helps out where his paycheck didn't.

I step out of my room and walk to the kitchen where Luciana is sitting on the counter and telling Julio about her doll's life while he stirs scrambled eggs in a pan on the stove. I grab my travel mug from the counter and fill it up with sugar and milk before splashing the coffee into the mug. I screw the lid on tight as Julio hands me a plate of scrambled eggs.

"How long a shift you work today?" Julio asks as he leans against the counter next to Luciana with his own plate of eggs.

"I work the breakfast rush and then I gotta go to the jail and then the dinner rush. I should be back around nine after I help close down the place."

"We're gonna go out somewhere tonight. You want us to bring you back a plate?"

"If it's buffalo mac n' cheese with bacon then yes." I chuckle as I finish my eggs.

"We'll make a special stop." Julio chuckles as he feeds Luciana a bite of egg.

"Y'all are the best." I smile as I grab my car keys. "I'll see you tonight. Have a good dinner."

It takes me thirty minutes to drive to Mike's Diner. Usually I would talk to Andrew on my drive because it's dinner time for him but he's been off the base lately, missions running late, and I haven't been able to catch him before he's off the base again. I always give his captain my message but I'm not sure he's been passing them along to Andrew. The anxiety and loneliness has worsened in these past few weeks without talking to him. I try to remind myself that he's more likely to come home than he is to die. I try to remind myself that he is smart and capable but something is always nagging in the back of my mind, his corpse mangled and bloody flashing in my mind.