A Girl Named Callie

<Callie> A Girl Who's Learning About Change

Chapter 7

<Callie Stevens>

My Hollywood gossip show comes back from a commercial break just as I plop down, a bowl of frosted flakes and milk in my hand. I turn up the show and tuck my sock-clad foot underneath the fleece of my pajama pants as I watch the entertainingly vapid reporters discuss the top celebrity stories of the day. They call off the daily roll: a former child star caught drinking, some rap star doping, some male movie star cheated on his wife; the narratives seem endless and repetitive. I'm about to change the channel when a pair of familiar blue eyes come across the screen. They're surrounded by dark circles and unnaturally black hair. The guy is wearing black jeans and a gray Guns N' Roses t-shirt, a chain hanging off the left belt loops on the jeans. He's got his arm around a blue-eyed brunette as the pair of them walk to the awaiting car. I guess feigned desire was right.

"Hollywood's resident bad boy, Jasper Coven, was seen leaving Avalon around 3 A.M. this morning with up-and-coming pop princess, Hailey Bach. The pair, who are also recording a duet and embarking on a tour together later this year, were seen getting cozy on the dance floor." The screen flashes to a crappy cellphone quality picture of the pair of them on the dance floor. I feel my heart sinking in my chest as the story continues. "They both headed back to Jasper's penthouse and Hailey was seen leaving just hours ago wearing the same clothes she wore last night. However, there was a little addition: Jasper's favorite black hoodie. Are they music's new power couple? It's too soon to tell, but these two don't seem to be slowing down anytime soon. Back to you, Josh." The reporter giggles as the camera flashes back to a man in a suit whose face is more plastic than natural at this point.

I shut off the TV and look dejectedly at my cereal that's getting soggier by the second. I stir the flakes around in the bowl as Jasper flashes across my mind. I knew he had changed his appearance when he went to L.A. I had seen him the first summer after he left with a few tattoos and darker hair, but he hadn't looked like the guy I just saw on the TV screen. The guy I saw that first summer was still smiling, full of the glow of a fresh start, ready to take on the world. He still looked at the world as full of opportunity God had blessed him with. The guy on the TV was the polar opposite. He was all sharp lines and edges. All blacks and grays and gaunt. All storm clouds and thunder. Dark circles and hopelessness. He was more reminiscent of the Jasper Coven everyone else knew four and a half years ago than the one I'd come to know.

In the picture, his lips seemed to be in a permanent frown. His eyes were sunken, and his body seemed to have a drunken swagger that I never thought I'd have to associate with him. The way he held onto Hailey seemed forced and his entire demeanor seemed to exude displeasure. I could feel the knot of jealously tightening in my chest as the picture of his arm around her flashes across my mind again. He called me. Some part of him wanted to fix this. I try to reason with myself, but the picture keeps coming back to haunt me. Why would he do this and not even bother to call me back?

Some part of me knows that I have no right to be mad, not after four years, not after my own failure to call, to keep up the relationship. And I can't blame him for moving on; it was bound to happen. I guess, I just thought that him calling was a sign that this wasn't over, despite all the time that's passed, despite all the distance between us.

 I brush a tear from under my eye remembering my promise to him the day he left; that that wasn't going to be goodbye forever. I remember how worried he seemed that we would never see each other again. How my promise was the only thing that soothed him onto the plane. I guess times have changed. I draw in a deep breath and pick up my phone. There are no messages from him, just like the last four years. I slide my thumb across the screen, unlocking it and going to my recent calls. I click on Andrew's number. If Jasper can move on, so can I. After 3 rings, he picks up, his voice sounding groggy from sleep.