Stonehearts 7: Ruby

Eight

When someone said that it hurts to be an option, I never realize it to be like this. Hurt isn't the right term, because this is a freaking nightmare.

Time froze when I read that message. I'm sure I wanted to cry right then and there but somehow my tears won't cooperate. I went numb.

Gustong-gusto ko magsabi kay Aly kaso hindi ko naman makwento sa kanya ang kagagahan na pinaggagagawa ko. I'm sure, isang banggit pa lang ng pangalan ni Bryce, she will enter the berserk mode.

Dalawang araw na rin at itinatago ko pa rin ang sakit ng araw na 'yon. I don't know how to deal with this especially that I'm used on telling Aly and mom about everything.

I wish I have the courage to tell them, para man lang may magsabi sa'kin na ang tanga tanga ko nanaman at pigilan ako sa mga kahibangan ko sa buhay.

Pero wala. I'm stuck with it on my own.

As I lay there in my bed, I again opened our thread.

Bryce: Rubs, sorry for just texting now. Aya quit her job this morning and I need to be with her. I'm sorry I can't come. I can't leave Aya alone. Really, really sorry.

Me: Sure, okay lang. It's understandable. I hope she feels fine.

I don't know how I managed to tell him that. I sounded so supportive even though I'm falling apart at the seams.

Paano naman ako? Who would check if I'm okay? Who would be there for me when I'm alone?

I dropped my phone on my chest and sighed. Why am I even asking these questions? Kahit naman ilang beses kong internalize, babalik at babalik ako sa kabaliwan ko kay Bryce Aragoncillo.

Hindi ko alam na naka-idlip pala ako dahil bigla nag-alarm ang cellphone ko. Ilang balikwas pa muna ang ginawa ko sa kama bago ako bumangon at nagpasyang maghanda para pumasok sa opisina.

As usual, mom is talking to dad when I reached the kitchen. I gave my father a brief good morning before I ate my breakfast.

"Arcie, are you okay?" my mom's voice cut through my depressive thoughts making me jerk my head to meet her gaze.

I wanted to tell her, but telling her meaning Aly would know. Kaya mas pinili kong itago sa kanya.

"Yes, mom. Sobrang hectic lang sa work lately."

"Magpahinga ka kung kaya, anak. I don't want you getting sick." She reminded me.

"Yes, mom. I promise I won't overwork myself."

But I guess, I am overworking my heart over some guy who would never look at me the same way I look at him.

"Promise, anak?" she pushed.

I popped another bread on my mouth before nodding my reply.

Sa kadahilanang ayaw ko na munang mamalagi ng matagal sa bahay dahil alam kong magtatanong at magtatanong si mommy dahil sobrang lungkot ko lately, minabuti kong umalis ng maaga.

Magkakape na lang muna ako dahil baka hindi pa bukas ang opisina.

Once I parked my car, I immediately made my way to the coffee shop near our office. Binati pa nga ako ng guard sa main door ng building, nakangiti pa ako hanggang sa nakalabas ako, pero nawala 'yon ng nakita ko si Bryce na mukhang nag-aabang.

My heart reacted when the idea of him waiting for me invaded my mind. Ayoko nang humopia nanaman, pero 'yon at 'yon lang talaga ang naiisip ko.

Tumikhim ako at sinubukang kalmahin ang sarili ko, "Bryce. Anong ginagawa mo rito?"

He smiled at me, showing that dimple, my weakness. "Inaabangan kita. I'm here to personally apologize for what I did days ago. I bailed out on you on the last minute and I felt bad doing it."

I swear if my heart is made out of ice, it freaking thawed right away. Naramdaman ko na lang ang ngiti pati ang pamumula ng pisngi ko.

"O-okay lang naman sa'kin."

"Hindi kasi okay sa'kin, Rubs."

I don't know what to say. I don't trust myself, I might word vomit if I try to speak.

His grin widened, "Are you going somewhere?"

Matagal akong nakatingin sa kanya. I know it is rude to stare, but shit, he's really smiling gorgeously right now and I can't stop myself from ogling at him.

"Rubs?" he called, swaying his hands in front of my face.

"Ah. . yes?. . Yes! M-magkakape a-ako." Sabay turo ko sa Starbucks sa tabi.

"Halika, samahan kita." Yaya niya, tango lang ang naisagot ko.

I matched his strides, placing both my hands in front me as I lace my fingers with one another. Hindi ako makapaniwala, I'm walking with Bryce. If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up anymore.

He wasn't talking so I maintained my silence. He had both his hands on his pocket until we reached the door of the shop. He opened it for me, I murmured thanks and proceeded to stand in queue.

"What are you going to drink?" he was studying the menu board, so I had the chance to take a glimpse of his face.

"Iced caramel macchiato."

"Grande or Venti?"

"Grande. 'Di ko kayang ubusin ang Venti."

"Okay. Treat ko na ito para makabawi ako sa'yo. You can go find us a seat." he said coupled with his damn melting smile.

Sino naman ako para tumanggi 'diba? Madali akong sumang-ayon saka naghanap ng mauupuan. I am giddy and trembling with excitement as I wait for him.

Pinapanood ko siya sa malayo. He's always smiling. That's the thing I love most about him. Bihira mo siyang makitang nakasimangot. Kung oo man, he will always try to mask it.

Nakita ko pa siyang nakikipagtawanan sa barista saka niya nakuha ang kape namin. He raised it in the air when our eyes met and all I did was to timidly smile at him with my cheeks flaring.

"T-thank you, ah." Mahinang ani ko nang nasa harap ko na siya.

"Wala ka naman dapat ipagpasalamat. This is an apology remember." He countered. I watched him move, he placed the drink in front of me, before he unsheathed the straw from the paper cover and stab it on my drink.

It may seem to be a very simple gesture but to me it is one of the best memories of him and me.

"Ay, oo nga pala. I have something for you." Saka niya kinapa ang bulsa niya. Dinukot niya ang isang ballpen doon saka inabot sa'kin. "Mom went on a one-day trip to Taiwan to fix something. While she's there I asked her to buy this one for you."

Nanginginig ang kamay kong inabot 'yon. I was staring at it in awe. It's a gel pen that has a small icon of 'No Face' on top of it.

"You like this one, right? I visited your Facebook account before and saw Spirited Away as your cover photo."

I was gaping at him, not knowing what to say. I am stuck on the part where he admitted that he stalked my profile. Alam kong pataas nanaman nang pataas ang expectations ko sa patutunguhan nito pero hindi ko mapigilan.

"It's an apology gift as well. I'm really sorry for what happened."

"N-nakalimutan ko na 'yon. Pero t-thank you rito." I don't why I was whispering.

Sana lagi na lang ganito. Sana mga ganitong bagay lang ang pagtutuunan namin ng atensyon. Sana sa susunod na nagkita kami, hindi naman pag-uusapan 'yong babaeng mahal niya.