Stonehearts 7: Ruby

Thirty Four

I thought I knew what heartache was. It's been constantly mixed with my life, I was no stranger to it. The only difference was, I have higher tolerance now – or that's what I thought.

The last expression I saw on Byrce's face was now forever embedded in the depths of my mind. Sullen, but somehow accepting of what has become of us. I don't even know if it's okay to assume there was an 'us', because all there ever was the unending chase.

I inwardly curse when I saw the light seeping through my curtains. Damn, I didn't get the chance to sleep. Sa sobrang daming tumatakbo sa utak ko, hindi ko na napansin na gising ako buong gabi. I turned to my side and sighed. Siguro naman walang masama kung hindi muna ako babangon? I was contemplating whether to eat or not when a specific ringtone filled my silent and dim-lit room.

I knifed up and reached for it on my nightstand, practiced the fake smile I perfected and swiped to answer.

"Good morning from Philippines, Mom." I beamed at her.

"Hello, honey, deep eyes. You still haven't been sleeping lately?" She immediately voiced out her observation. But I didn't let that falter my forged happy mood.

"Blame the jetlag. Hindi pa rin po ako masyadong nakaka-adjust sa timeline ng Pinas. But, I'm doing, okay. I promise."

She stared at me for awhile, then a somewhat pitiful expression veiled her whole face. "Are you trying to convince me, yourself, or both?"

I bit my lip, still adamant to not let her see all the way through this bogus exterior. "It's not that. Gusto ko lang sabihin sa'yo na goods ako rito bago mo pa maitanong. I think there's nothing wrong with that."

It took her a moment before she nodded her in understanding, "Okay, okay. I get it, honey. Nag-aalala lang naman ako. Anyway, napag-isipan mo na ba mga susunod mong gagawin, anak?"

I shook my head. "Hindi pa, Mom. When I went back here, wala akong ibang gustong gawin kundi bumalik diyan para makasama ka at para malapit din ako kay Dad. But now that I'm here, there's this pull I don't understand. On a subconscious level, I knew I have to stay here, I just don't know the reason why." I sighed. "If Dad was here, he'll help me decode this."

My mom let out a short laugh. "He will, won't he? Sabi niya nang mga bata pa kami pangarap niyang maging Sherlock Holmes. But as you can see, naging real estate business owner siya."

"Oh god, buti na lang! I can't see us jumping from one state to another if ever na naging Police Detective si Dad."

"He said the same thing once or twice before. He said he was happy he decided and accepted to inherit their company, because if not, he may have had missed some of your milestone while growing up."

There was a pang of pain in my chest, as if it was compressing my heart to no mercy. The burning feeling radiated and I can feel it numbing the tips of my fingers. I chewed on my bottom lip as I feel my impending tears forming at the corner of my eyes.

My mom's face went soft, "He loved you dearly, honey. You're the only thing we're sure we did right."

"H-how do you do it, mom? How can you face day after day knowing he's never going to come back?"

There was a brief pause. She looked at something behind her phone, probably at the photo of dad at the mantel. She wiped the tears of her own before she peered back at me.

"It hurts every passing day knowing that he isn't there when I wake up each morning. Ang dami kong pinagsisisihan. There were times that I blame myself for losing your father, my lover, my bestfriend."