Stonehearts 7: Ruby

Thirty Three

Things, thoughts, and ideas are exploding inside my mind, making it hurt unbearably.

First, I cannot accept the fact that Aly hid this from me. Though I'm pretty sure I can't stay mad at that woman, but still. Hindi ko pa rin maarok kung bakit niya kailangan itago sa'kin ang bagay na 'to. Second, I wanted to know everything straight from Bryce at the same time I don't.

I feel. . .scared.

At hindi ko alam kung alin ang mas malala, 'yong kaba at takot kong malaman or the mere fact that I'm starting to feel again. My mind is on haywire, my heart tumbling recklessly against my chest, my palms are getting clammy. Fuck, it's been so long since I felt this way towards Bryce. Been too long that it's both familiar and foreign at the same time.

Arriving in front of my house, Claus and Sage both gave me supportive hugs before they left. Naramdaman kong gusto pa sana nilang manatili kahit saglit kasama ako but they knew I would've insisted for them to leave. Because if I'm going to have this talk with Bryce, gusto ko kaming dalawa lang.

I quickly sauntered towards my kitchen and dropped my newly procured item on the sink. I surveyed the place and how messy it looked, wet rags littered everywhere, the mop still resting on the kitchen counter, the broken nozzle still on the floor.

At hindi ko maiwasang ma-guilty dahil sa walong buwan na wala ako, inalagaan ng husto ni Bryce itong bahay. It was spotless when I arrived, everything is clean and in order, maliban na lang sa kuwarto kong mukhang hindi nagalaw.

Bracing my hands at the edge of the kitchen sink, I took series of heavy breaths. Hindi ko rin malaman kung bakit ba ako natatakot. Matagal ko naman ng naibaon ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. My foolish crush turned into an unhealthy love obsession, my effort in staying in his life despite him loving someone else, and my stupid decision of trying to divert all these unruly emotions towards another person. All of it. I buried everything somewhere deep within me as if it never existed, as if it never happened. Ngayon hindi ko na alam –

My frayed thoughts were disrupted when the doorbell rang. I froze in place. Bubuksan ko ba o magkukunwari na lang akong walang narinig? Muling tumunog 'yon at pigil na hininga akong naglakad para pagbuksan ang taong nasa kabilang gawi ng pinto.

Words fleeted in my mind. Ano nga ba ang una kong sasabihin kay Bryce? Should I ask him right away? Or should I build the conversation? Fuck, I don't know what to do.

My shaky hands turned the knob and I think it's the second time I lost my footing this day when I saw Marco standing on my porch. I blinked and tried to assess if my mind is playing tricks on me. Pero hindi, he's real.

"Marco?" I dumbly whispered.

He smiled at me, offering me the three roses I didn't notice he's holding. I idly took it from him. "I have to see for myself that you're here."

"Kanino mo nalaman?"

"Nakita ko kayo nila Sage at Claus kaninang umaga sa mall. Hindi lang ako sigurado kung ikaw 'yon dahil maikli na ang buhok mo."

I peeled my gaze away from him and stared at the flowers I'm holding. It felt hot in my hands, gusto ko ng bitawan, but I don't want to look rude.

"So. . .I would like invite you inside kaso may ginagawa ako and the house is a mess." Please, say you can't stay.

He studied me closely, too intently. Then I saw how his shoulder sagged. "Nah, I have to go. May pasok pa ako. Like I said, gusto ko lang talaga malaman na hindi ako namalikmata kaninang umaga." When I said nothing, he reluctantly nodded his head. "I'd better go and leave you be. Bye, Arcie." With one last wave he hopped inside his car and left.