You've Got it Bad

Sixteen

Perrie's POV

There was silence.

Ear-splitting, bone-crushing, heart-shattering silence. Every millisecond that passed without her saying anything, I wanted more and more for the ground to just open up and suck me in.

"I—umm—" She stammered. Great, she's speechless. I've NEVER seen Jade speechless. She turned to face me. "Pez... I—"

"It's okay Jade. Y-you don't have to say anything." I said quietly, pushing past the lump in my throat.

I was on the verge of tears. Even though I kind of knew she didn't feel the same, it didn't make the confirmation any less gut-wrenching. I was crushed.

"But, I—" She started again.

"Really, please stop." I couldn't even look at her, so I kept my eyes on the diner in front of us. "You should get back to work. Maybe we'll talk later."

"Maybe? Perrie, wait! No. I'm sorry. I just—"

"Jade!" I yelled, tears pricking my eyes. "Just go! Please!"

I felt her eyes on me—burning a hole through the side of my face—but I couldn't bring myself to look at her. After a few seconds, she sighed and got out of the car.

It was like the more she stammered, the more she was just twisting the knife. She hesitantly closed the door, and I immediately sped out of the parking lot, not even giving her the chance to say anything else.

My heart was in my lap, and I had no idea where to go. There was no way I could go back to her apartment, so I sat in my car for a few hours just thinking. I know I said it wouldn't matter if she didn't feel the same, but that was a lie. It hurt. A lot.

How could I be so stupid? How could I ruin this before it even started? How could I fall so hard?

I pulled into an empty parking lot, shut the car off and just sat there. I slammed my fists into the steering wheel and put my head on it as hot tears dripped into my lap.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes it was many hours later. I left Jade at around 7 and it was now 11:30pm. I looked around and there was still no one in sight, thankfully.

Anything could've happened. I was just exhausted. I looked down at my phone and there were literally nineteen missed calls from Jade, and several more texts. I felt that same sharp pain in my chest again as I read through some of her messages.

Jade: Pez, I'm so sorry. I was just caught off guard. Please talk to me. 7:53pm

Jade: I'm home and you're not here, where are you? Please pick up! 8:02pm

Jade: I feel disgusting for so many reasons, and I can't imagine how you must feel. We need to talk about this. I really don't want to lose this. 8:24pm

Jade: Pez, where are you? I'm worried! 9:06pm

Jade: If you don't want to talk to me, I understand. But please just let me know you're alright! 9:31 pm

Jade: I can't go to sleep, I need to know you're safe. 10:03pm

Jade: I called your mom and she hasn't seen you. Perrie, please! 10:30pm

Jade: I'm really really sorry I hurt you, ocean eyes. Please come home and talk to me. Let me fix it, please. 11:03pm

She almost got me with the last one.

After some thought, I decided that maybe I jumped in too fast and needed to back up. She was just getting her feet wet, and I was already swimming.

I was going to have to go back home to my mom. I couldn't stay with Jade anymore. It would feel too weird to me.