You've Got it Bad

Seventeen

Jade's POV

Damn! I really fucked this one up. Fuck, I hate myself!

I sat up on my couch with my face in my hands. It was 12:30am and I hadn't heard from Perrie since I jumped out of her car and left her hurt and confused earlier. Hell, I was confused. I care about her a lot, but I honestly don't know if I love her.

I don't even know what love feels like. I never got it from my family and I've only ever thought I felt it with Jimmy, and we see how that turned out.

I wished I could've explained that to her when she said it, but damn me for hesitating and forgetting how to even speak. I was just shocked that she even felt that way.

I knew one thing, though. I didn't want to be without her. I didn't want her to leave my life. There was no way I could go back to living how I was before. Not when I know someone as precious and perfect as her existed.

I sighed, staring at the clock and then at my phone again. I had a bad feeling and was worried sick.

Give me something, Perrie.

I picked up the phone again and dialed her number, getting her voicemail right away. Either she had my number blocked already or her phone was dead, both of which made me uneasy.

Tossing my phone on the couch, I paced back and forth, scratching my head and trying to keep the contents of my stomach down. Worrying always made me physically ill. I grabbed the phone again to send her a text.

Me: Perrie, please. I'm so so sorry, baby. I'm worried sick. Please just let me know you're safe. I'm begging you! 1:03am

I couldn't sit still any longer, so I ran out of my apartment, jumped in my car and decided to drive by her mom's to see if her car was there. That was the only place I could imagine her being.

When I pulled down her street my stomach dropped when I didn't see her car anywhere.

Tears filled my eyes at the thought of something bad happening to her. And then me leaving things the way I did. Or her just never coming back to me. Suddenly, my mouth started to water and a bitter taste came up from the back of my throat.

I swung the car door open and hung out retching all of my insides over the curb. When I finished, I was physically and mentally exhausted. I picked up the phone again to dial the last number I wanted to dial.

"What?!" His voice echoed through the car speaker.

"H-have you seen Perrie?" I asked weakly.

"Are you really calling my phone looking for that bitch?! The same one I told you to stay away from? Either you're dumber than I thought you were, or you've just got a lot of fucking nerve." I could hear the rage in his voice.

"Jimmy, please." Was all I was able to get out. I had no energy to deal with him at the moment.

He laughed. "Awww, are you worried about her? You should be, bitch!"

"W-what do you mean?" My stomach started to turn again.

"Where are you? How about I come over and I will tell you what I know." I could hear the smirk in his voice and I immediately knew what he meant.

The thought disgusted me, but I was exhausted and just needed to know that she was okay.

"I'm on my way home." I said, defeated.

"Good. So am I. Be ready." He hung up.

I drove myself home and sat on the couch waiting. I contemplated calling the police but again I don't really like dealing with law enforcement. I don't trust them.