Bound to You

Chapter 3

Jason towered over you, but then he towered over most people. He was over six feet, and you had to crane your neck to look at him when Dad introduced you.

It just made me love you more.

We were all crowded around the dining room table, Allie having gone home before dinner, claiming she had things to do with her parents, but I knew her parents were visiting her grandmother in the nursing home tonight so Allie was having her boyfriend over to do stuff I didn't even want to think about.

"Jason," my dad said, in that booming, proud father voice he always used with Jason. "How's school?"

Jason stopped chewing for a second and then swallowed his bite of steak. "It's summer break, sir."

Dad laughed. He loved Jason. Jason was his gold star, while I was his little princess. He had our entire lives mapped out. We'd stay together through high school, probably go to prom together, take graduation pictures together in front of the car his parents would surely buy him on his seventeenth birthday. Off we'd go to Yale and then from there, two successful careers, a wedding ring, and probably at least three kids. Perfect.

I watched you. I knew it was ridiculous, but I wanted to know if you cared about Jason. I wanted to know if it bothered you that I had a boyfriend. You were talking to my mother about how much you loved the pieces of caramelized garlic in the green beans, not even looking at us.

"Dad's been letting me work at the office," Jason told my dad. "I think it'll be great practice for my future." He gave Dad his winning smile, the same smile he used in his football photos, and my dad ate it right up. I knew the truth, of course. Jason was spending the summer playing Candy Crush on his phone at his dad's office because he just hired a new secretary, and he liked to ogle her all day.

My dad grinned. "I agree. You're not too young to learn how the world works. Hopefully, some of that spirit will rub off on my daughter." Dad motioned at me with his fork.

I caught the awkward wording of Dad's comment before Jason's hand found its way to my leg under the tablecloth and squeezed. Of course he would pick up on all the possible innuendos there. Jason smiled at my dad, but his hand moved a little higher on my thigh, until his fingertips were pushing up under the edge of my skirt..

You cleared your throat a few times, reaching for your glass of water, and I met your eye across the table. You knew what Jason was doing. I could tell by the strange tilting of your eyebrows and the way your gaze kept drifting down at where Jason's hand disappeared below the table. But you didn't say anything. Of course you didn't, and part of me liked that you knew. I liked that you saw Jason touching me, even as I wished it was you. Even as I imagined what it would be like to have your hands on me.

"So how long have the two of you been a couple?" you asked, and it was enough to pull me out of my trance.

"Almost a year." I pushed Jason's hand away as gently as I could so my dad wouldn't notice. "Since practically the first day of school."

Jason smiled over at me with that adoring look that he always gave me. I never knew if it was real or fake. "She just looked so pretty with that yellow flower in her hair. I thought I'd die if she turned me down."

Your eyes moved back and forth between us, but Mom spoke up. "Oh that gorgeous hairpin. That was my mother's. It brings out the gold in Lena's eyes."

Jason's eyes were still roving my face, and I was hit by a wave of guilt. I loved Jason. At least, I was pretty sure I did. So why was I always thinking about you? Why did I lay in bed at night and wish that the next day would be the one that I would see you again? Last night, I had no way of knowing my wish would finally come true.

"We should go for a walk," I said, and everyone went quiet. I guess I interrupted a conversation, but I hadn't heard a word of it. "Are you done eating?"

Jason sent me a strange look, but he nodded. "Sure, babe. Let's go for a walk." I didn't like the way he said it, but I ignored his tone. I needed to get away from the table. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

We left our dishes, my parents beaming at us like maybe Jason was going to pop the question right here and now. I didn't look back as Jason took my hand and lead me out of the house through the back door, even though I wanted to. My chest ached with this fear. What if I walked away and you were gone when I came back? What if I had to go another six months without seeing you? Did it even matter?

Jason didn't want to walk. As soon as the door closed, he pulled me into the shadows between the garage and the carport, pushing me up against the side of the house and pressing against me. He had his mouth on mine immediately.

"Jason," I said, "my parents."

He pressed his open mouth to my neck and ran his hand up the inside of my thigh. "Your dad would probably fucking applaud me if he saw me right now."

I shoved him away from me. "That's so messed up."

He just laughed. "Chill. I was just kidding. But seriously, could we talk about...?" His raised his eyebrows at me, and I honestly should have known it was coming. We always had this talk. Every time we were together. And now that my sixteenth birthday was right around the corner, it seemed to be inevitable.

"Jason, I said I wasn't ready yet."

He rolled his eyes and stepped close to me, framing my face with his hands. "You're gonna be sixteen. I just want you to consider it, okay? I mean, nobody else's girlfriends are holding out for almost a year."

Everyone else's girlfriends were older. Everyone else's girlfriends had already done it before. Everyone else's girlfriends weren't having dreams about a man twice their age almost every night. Probably.

"If you want it so bad, why don't you get it from someone else?" I was mostly joking, but something sparked inside of me at the thought. What if Jason found someone else to be happy with? What if he dumped me, and I could spend my time pining for you without the guilt that always settled on my chest? God, what would that even accomplish? It wasn't like you were going to be with me if Jason dumped me. Idiot.

I loved Jason.

Maybe if I said it enough, it would be true.

Jason laughed. I was glad he couldn't hear the mild sincerity behind my words. "Because I love you." He said, close to my ear. "And because I want to be the one to pop your cherry."

I flinched even as heat spread through me. He uncrossed my arms and pinned them to my sides, pressing against me. I blushed this time because maybe I wasn't so sure I loved Jason, but he was still hot. He was a year older than me, a football star, the guy everyone wanted. He wasn't even a virgin.

I let him kiss me, wondering, wondering, wondering what it would be like if it were you instead.