Bound to You

Chapter 9

That summer, right after my seventeenth birthday, my parents decided to go to Jamaica. And I wasn't invited, seeing as how they were celebrating their anniversary. So I was left to my own devices for a week.

At first, I thought maybe I would throw a party. I could be that girl. But I didn't have the energy to be that girl. So for the first two days, I mostly just slept and watched House Hunters. But by day three, I was lonely.

I'd gotten used to being lonely. Besides Allie, I didn't much enjoy anyone's company anymore. I wasn't very interested in going to the parties or the club functions or the sports events. I felt like I was dragging by, waiting for the moment when I could apply to Yale and get the hell out of here.

But I was lonely. So I invited Brad over. Brad was always a good sport. I let him put his hand down my pants, and he stopped asking me why I wouldn't just be his girlfriend. Of course, usually, once it was over, and we were both panting pleasantly, he would start asking again about why I wouldn't be his girlfriend.

To me, the answer was obvious. One, because Brad was boring. And two, because I was terribly and completely in love with you, John Warner.

Just to be nice, when I invited Brad over, I ordered pizza and rented a movie. I figured the least I could do was treat him to a date, even if we weren't together. I rented Friday the 13th because I thought it would be fun. And as soon as his half of the pizza was gone, Brad pounced.

I liked letting Brad put his hands on me. He was the only one I let anywhere near me after what happened with Jason because a week after I had sex with him, he tried to have sex with me again, and when I told him no, he stopped. That earned him enough brownie points to let him touch me almost whenever he wanted. Jason had set the bar pretty low.

But tonight, Brad was hard against me, and he pulled out a condom, flashing it at me. I shook my head, and he sighed, setting it on the end table.

"Was it bad the first time?" he asked. "Is that why you won't fuck me again?"

"It's not like that," I told him. "I just don't think sex is for me." This was only halfway a lie. I was pretty sure sex with any of the boys I knew now wasn't for me. I imagined going off to college and meeting some unbearably sweet boy who would make gentle love to me after months of dating and whispered words of affection. I imagined having sex far, far away from my bed here, where Jason had stolen my peace. For now, rocking against Brad's hard-on until I saw stars was good enough. It was all he had to offer.

He made a strange shape with his mouth and then smiled. "Hey, I'm fine with that, as long as we can keep doing what we're doing."

He kissed me, and even though I didn't always enjoy the kissing, I let him slip his tongue in my mouth because I wanted him to touch me. He tugged my shorts down and slipped his hand inside my underwear just as there was a short knock on the door.

I started to pull back on my shirt, but the person on the other side of the door had a key, and before I knew what was happening, the front door swung open and there you were. I hadn't gotten my tank top on over my head yet, and when you saw that I was in nothing but a bra and a pair of bikini underwear, you spun around fast, your back facing me and Brad as we struggled into our clothing.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I shouted at you, zipping up my shorts and tugging down my top. Somehow, Brad was still hard, so he threw a throw pillow over his lap.

"Are you dressed?" you asked, and I was suddenly livid because I didn't want the first time you saw me in my underwear to be like this. I wanted you to undress me, to see the underwear I would have bought just for you.

This seemed like an inappropriate time for fantasies.

"Yes, we're dressed."

You turned back around, and you had an odd look in your eye. You sent Brad a menacing look. "I think it's about time you went home," you said to him, and he started to scramble off the couch, but I put up a hand to stop him.

"Wait. No. Don't leave." I turned a glare on you. "You have no right to kick him out. You're not my dad."

He coughed out a laugh. "Your father asked me to come over here and check on you while he was away. That's why I have a bloody key." To punctuate your point, you slammed the key down on the entry table beside you. "I didn't think I'd be walking in on you barely dressed. I'm not going to tell your dad about it, but I do expect better judgement from you in the future."

I knew you were trying to guilt trip me. I just couldn't figure out why. Why did you care if I was messing around with Brad? What did you care if I got naked with him in my own living room?

"You can stop looking at me like you're disappointed in me," I said as Brad laced up his shoes.

You didn't say anything to that, just perched your hands on your hips and stared down at the ground while Brad scrambled out the door. I had a feeling he wouldn't be back. Eh, well. That partnership had gone about as far as it was going to.

"I'm not disappointed," you finally said. "I'm just surprised. I wasn't expecting this."

"I'm seventeen. Alone in the house for a week. What were you expecting, exactly?"

You laughed, surprisingly. "A party, I suppose. And when there weren't a million cars in the driveway, I was kind of expecting you to be watching TV. Or to be alone. I don't know."

I fixed the cushions on the couch so I didn't have to look at you. "Yeah, well being alone gets old."

Your eyes held mine, and I got the feeling you wanted to say something, but after a beat, you looked away, silent. You plucked something off the entry table and found a pen, scribbling something on the back of one of my mom's business cards.

"Here," you said, holding it out to me. "I won't interrupt any more of your attempts at killing your loneliness, but please call me if you need anything. Your parents are nervous about you being here alone."

I took the card with trembling fingers. It had your phone number on it, under the letters J.W.

"Thanks," I said, hoping my voice sounded normal.

You nodded and fumbled with the doorknob. "I'll see you," you said, the door finally opening and closing behind you, leaving me alone again.