Bound to You

Chapter 23

As soon as the Christmas festivities were over, I went back to New Haven. Being in Stamford without you was too hard, and I kept feeling my father's eyes on me, like he knew I was hiding something. I'd gotten used to hiding something, my feeling for you, but this was different. Now I was hiding both our secrets.

And hiding something like the fact that we were doing whatever it was we were doing was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I felt like there was sunlight shooting out of my fingertips at all times.

So the day after Christmas, I put all of my focus on moving into the apartment I would be living in until I graduated from Yale. I was moving into an apartment with one of my suitemates from Yale, and I was excited for the quiet, the privacy, the home away from home, a place where they couldn't kick me out when the semester was over.

But on New Year's Eve, I was starving. Starving for your attention, for your affection, for you. I kept checking my phone over and over, hoping you would call. I knew that you were five hours ahead, that your new year had already begun long ago. You'd asked me not to call because you wanted to be with your mother, ringing in the new year.

You never said anything about whether or not you would call me.

But the real problem wasn't new year's. It was us.

We hadn't talked about what we were. Sure, we'd kissed and we'd had phone sex, but that was it. We talked on the phone as often as we could and texted each other even more, but everything was casual. There was no mention of love, no mention of being in a relationship, no mention of whether or not this was serious to you. It was killing me.

I wanted you to be mine and only mine. I didn't want to think about the possibility of you sleeping with someone in London. I didn't want to think about you coming home with someone like you had before. You were mine. Did you know it?

"Can I buy you a drink?"

The guy that leaned against the wall beside me was painfully handsome. He had a mug of beer in his hand and a kind smile on his face, but Lord help me, he wasn't you. So I shook my head. "No, thanks."

He scowled in a confused way. "You don't seem like you're having a very good time. It's New Year's, didn't you hear?"

I sent him a fake surprised look. "Oh my God, is that what this whole thing is about?"

He laughed and sipped his beer. "Afraid so. You here with someone?"

"Just my friend, Amber." I motioned to where Amber was on the dance floor, grinding against some guy. She was probably, definitely going to get lucky tonight, and I was going to cry myself to sleep because my gorgeous Englishman didn't care that I was alone on New Year's. It had been Amber's idea to come to the party, after all. A friend of hers had told her about it, and Amber had insisted I come, but it wasn't even eleven yet, and I was ready to go home.

"Well, Amber seems to be having a good time."

I just nodded. He was right on that point. I checked my phone again.

"Oh, now I see how it is."

I glanced up at the boy, and his eyes were on my phone. "What?"

He grinned. "Only people who are waiting for someone to call check their phone like that."

I pressed my shoulders to the wall and wished I could slide right through it and into oblivion. I was never this girl, waiting for a guy to call. Not even you. I'd always wanted you, but it was always impossible, so I'd moved on. And yet, here I was.

"He must be a real idiot to leave someone as beautiful as you hanging around on your own on New Year's. I mean, who's going to kiss those red lips at midnight?"