Bound to You

Chapter 40

I was upstairs, packing up what I'd brought back with me for the summer when you drove up. I could see you out my window and watched as you looked in the mirror, ran a hand through your hair, and climbed out of your car. You paused, and your eyes moved up to my window, and I stood there, watching you, even as you smiled and I smiled back.

I pretended not to know you were here when you knocked on the door. I heard my mother's footsteps as she went to open the door and then as she greeted you fondly, the way she always did. I kept packing, listened as my father found you next. I heard him move around the kitchen, probably making you tea, and then I heard the two of you sit down in the living room, talking.

Your voices were just a quiet sound at first, but they got louder as time passed, and when I was done with my packing, I quietly opened my bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway, peeking around the corner to look down at the two of you over the banister.

"Well, I mean, I could talk to her," my father was saying. "I can't believe they'd just decide to terminate you like this."

You put up a hand gently, patiently. I shivered when I thought about the other things you did gently and patiently with those hands. "Really, it's fine. I've been working at the hospital for a while, and I think I'd like to move on. New Haven isn't far, and this new hospital I've found, I feel, will be a good fit for me."

My father made a humming noise in his throat, and then, like he knew I was there, and maybe he did, my father looked up, right at me, and smiled. He motioned for me to come downstairs, and I did, stepping up to the couch and trying not to look at you, to give away the joy that was barreling around in my chest.

You'd already found an apartment. You'd sent me pictures and signed all the papers, and as far as my parents knew, I would be living in a dorm room at Yale with a girl named Daisy.

My father reached out and took my hand. "Well, you'll certainly have good company in New Haven," and for a second, I thought I'd heard him wrong. Did you tell him about us? Was there any way that my father could be so casual and pleased after such a bombshell?

But my father just smiled up at me. "With Lena here at Yale, you'll have someone to tell you where all the best restaurants and galleries are. And who knows, maybe you'll meet someone new. I hear the women in New Haven are much more beautiful than Greenwich." He laughed, but I didn't think it was funny. Hearing my dad talk about women like that made me want to flinch away from him.

But you were kind, as always. You always would be. "I'm sure I'll meet someone nice," you said, even though it was a lie. Even though you'd already met someone nice. I did my best not to meet your eyes, and when the two of you went back to talking about how you were going to politely leave the hospital, I slipped back up to my room.

You stayed for dinner, and I was feeling antsy. Tomorrow was the day. I would go to New Haven and move into our new apartment, while my parents thought I was moving into my dorm, and then you would follow close behind the day after. I got chills just thinking about it, about how we would be together whenever I wasn't in class and you weren't at work, every night we would get to make love, have dinner together, sleep in the same bed.

"Lena?"

I glanced up at my mother and realized they'd tried to pull me into the conversation. "Sorry, what?"

My mother sent me a concerned look. "Are you feeling okay? You look a little flushed. Are you nervous about tomorrow?"

I couldn't help it. I glanced up at you, met your eye across the table, and I knew you knew how I was feeling, an anticipation that was so intense, I couldn't even function.

My mother's eyes traveled across the table to you, and I felt a pull in my gut. I'd been stupid to look at you, to give anything away, so I did the only thing I was fairly certain I could. I distracted my mother. "I'm pretty nervous, yeah. I guess I'm worried about being back there. It always feels like everyone is a step ahead of me."

That got my mother's attention. "Oh, honey, no." Her face went soft. "You are so smart and driven. You're going to be just fine."

I smiled at her, feeling comforted even though I hadn't really been feeling insecure in the first place. "Thanks, Mom."

Across the table, you were looking down at your plate, but the corner of your mouth was tipped up.

After dinner, I went upstairs to my room, lying about the fact that I needed to pack and get my stuff organized for the move tomorrow. I was just really tired. It was exhausting to be in a room with you and not be able to act like us. After so long together in Paris, completely free to do whatever we wanted, being back here was stifling.

I heard a beep out my window and looked out to see you walking to your car. The lights flashed, and you opened your door, but just like when you got here, you glanced up at me, and this time, I pressed my hand to the glass between us, holding up a finger, telling you to wait.

Park around the corner, I texted you, and as I opened my bedroom door quietly, I heard your car start and zoom away. I crept downstairs. My parents were still up, but they were in the dining room, far from the front door, so they didn't hear me when I snuck out. I went out the front door and around the side of the house, meeting you as you came up the front lawn.

You were smiling before you even got to me, and as soon as you were close enough, your mouth crashed into mine. You backed me up against the house, sliding your fingers into my hair, and I sucked your tongue into my mouth. When you pulled away to breathe, you smiled down at me, your hands still cradling my head.

"What were you thinking about at the dinner table?"

I bit my lip to hold back my smile. "I was thinking about sharing a home with you."

You sighed and pressed your forehead to mine. "You have to be more careful. I think your mom caught a whiff of something."

I stared straight ahead, at the tie you were wearing, and felt my skin starting to crawl. Because as much as I didn't want to, as much as I wanted to pretend like we could go on like this forever, we couldn't, and we both knew it, and now I had to say something.

"How much longer can we do this?" I asked, and you didn't need me to clarify.

You tilted my head back and looked down into my eyes in the dark. "I don't know."

It wasn't an answer, and it didn't solve our problems, but it was enough for right now, enough that we brought it up, that it was on both of our minds. Your mouth found mine again, and this time, there was something urgent in your kiss. I felt it too. How this could all come crashing down at any moment.

Without a word, you reached down and tugged my skirt up around my hips. Your hand slid down into my underwear, finding my pussy already aching for you. Your fingers slipped over my clit, and I waited for them to find their way inside me, but they didn't. You pressed against my clit, in small, quick circles, until I was gasping against your mouth.

I scratched marks into your forearms when I came, and you swallowed my moans, even though chances were good that my parents couldn't hear.

You were panting as hard as I was when I finally came back down, your mouth still pressed gently to mine, your fingers still petting me gently.

"I love you," you said, and it made my chest ache, the way you said it, sad and final.