Bound to You

Chapter 11

When I woke again, the room was still dark, and it took me a moment to realize what woke me. But then I heard the noises you were making: grunting, moaning, whimpering.

I sat up on the couch and tried to get my eyes to find you in the dark, in my father's chair, where I knew you were.

"John?"

You shrieked. I'd never heard anything like it before, but I knew terror when I heard it. I bounded across the room, knocking the coffee table as I went, and knelt in front of you. Your eyes were squeezed shut, your jaw gritted hard, your hands clenched into fists.

"John!" I took your face in my hands. "John, wake up!"

Your eyes flew open, and for a second, you didn't see me. Your eyes were clouded over, not focused, looking right through me. And then they found me, dark and piercing, full of panic. "Lena?"

"You're here," I said, my pulse skittering erratically. "You're here with me."

My chest was tight, and I was still holding your face in my hands. Your eyes roved over my face, and then your hand came up between us, your fingertips brushing my jaw just barely. You were breathing heavily, and there was still something in your eyes, like uncertainty and fear.

"You scared me," I said, trying not shiver at your touch. "You were making awful sounds."

Your hand dropped, and even in the dark, I saw your eyes glisten. I saw them go wet, heard the shakiness of your breath. I pushed a knee onto the chair beside you and wrapped my arms around you. I could feel you trembling, your breath against my ear. I wanted to say things to comfort you, but didn't know what, so I just held on.

I thought maybe you'd push me away. Maybe you'd tell me I was being inappropriate or that you didn't need me.

But you didn't do either of those things. Your arms came up and wrapped around me, and I was pulled against you, soft and yet firm beneath me in the chair. I could feel your heartbeat racing against my own.

After a moment, you pulled away from me, your eyes meeting mine.

"I'm used to waking up alone," you said, your eyes moving over my face again.

"Me too."

We sat like that for a long time, looking at each other, until finally you cleared your throat. "You should get some sleep."

I nodded, even though I wasn't tired. Even though all I wanted was to stay curled up in this chair with you, to be close in case the night terrors returned, I went back to the couch. But we didn't go to sleep. I watched you and you watched me until the sun started to rise, and I finally drifted off.