Bound to You

Chapter 5

I was sixteen, finally, and I was jittery, jittery, jittery, pressed against a wall in my brand new dress, watching the party unfold. My friends were trying to be polite as my parents served them fancy food on trays and asked them about their futures.

And then I heard your voice behind me, and my skin went hot. "Looking to break a few hearts tonight?" you asked, and when I turned around, your eyes swept down my dress and back up to me, and it was strange how it felt so innocent, absolutely no heat in your eyes. "You look lovely, Lena."

You were all dressed up too, in a gray suit that showed off your broad shoulders and the bones of your wrists. How was I so attracted to someone's wrists? "Thank you."

You grinned. "The distraction commences in T-minus..." -you glanced at your watch- "...five minutes."

"What will you do with them?"

You nodded toward the pool house, visible through the back windows of the dining room. "Going to lure them out there for some wine and chat. So, maybe steer clear of these windows if you're planning to do something too untoward." You seemed to be enjoying yourself, and it was so cute. Your eyes were alive. I loved that.

But something was niggling at me, and you seemed to notice. Your smile dropped. "What is it? Everything not going according to plan?"

I thought about saying it was nothing, but I thought maybe this once, the truth would be fun. "I didn't think this through," I told you. "If you're out there with them, it means you won't be in here. With me." My heart was in my throat, knowing I'd said too much. I knew Allie had seen right through me, but I was certain you hadn't. Until now.

Your eyebrows went up a little, your thin lips parting slightly, but you didn't have the chance to say anything before two arms wrapped around me, picking me up and spinning me in a circle before dropping me back down in front of you.

"Birthday girl!" Jason said in my ear. He kissed my neck and then seemed to realize you were there. "Mr. Warner. Good to see you again, sir." I hated that he talked to you the way he talked to my dad. You felt more like one of us than one of them.

You smiled that close-lipped smile at Jason and then at me. "I'll leave you to it then. Don't get into too much trouble."

I nodded and you slipped out the back door, my parents following close behind.

"What a creeper," Jason said and I pulled out of his grip. "What is he, fifty? He should keep his eyes off my girlfriend."

"He's not a creeper. He's doing us a favor. So shut up "

Jason narrowed his eyes at me, and it made me nervous. I didn't want him to know how I felt about you. I knew he'd get angry. I knew he'd punish me for it. He watched me a for a long moment and then latched onto my hips.

"Brad brought a flask. Let's get trashed."

It turned out a few people brought flasks that they swiped from their parents and someone had swiped a bottle of rum from a liquor cabinet, and before long, everyone was drunk except me.

I couldn't keep my eyes off the party going on in the pool house. I could see shadows moving past the windows, and more than once, I caught sight of you, walking past the window with a smile on your face or a concentrated expression as you debated with my dad. I wished you were in here with me. I wished I could somehow spend this time with you and only you.

But instead, it was Jason pressing up against me, whispering in my ear, pulling me up the stairs to my bedroom even as the party raged on downstairs.

He closed the door and left the light off, pressed his wet mouth against my neck.

"God, I want you," he said, and I wished I could feel the same. I wished he made my blood race and my pulse skitter, but you were the only one who could do that now.

"I'm not ready," I told Jason, trying to put some space between us. "I told you-"

"Come on, Lena," he said, ignoring my hands, trying to stop him. "You said. You said when you were sixteen. You're sixteen now."

I tried to push, but he was like a stone statue, unable to be moved. "I've only been sixteen for a few hours. Give me some time."

"You'll like it," he said. "I swear. I know what I'm doing. Ask anyone. It'll be good." His lips were there again, his hardness against my stomach, but I couldn't. Not when I would surely think about you the whole time.

"Jason, no." I tried to duck away from him, but he grabbed me, backed me up until I was tipping backwards onto my bed. He settled his weight on top of me.

"Jason," I tried to say, but his hand covered my mouth.

There's no way to explain that moment when everything changes. One minute, you're confident, and the next, you're terrified. I thought I could trust Jason, but in the next second, he felt like a stranger, looking down at me with those eyes that told me this wasn't a joke.

"Be quiet," he whispered, and it didn't even sound like a threat. More like a suggestion. "They'll hear you."

He pushed my dress up, the dress I bought so you would see it. I would never wear it again. He pushed himself against me, and I wanted to fight, but it felt like it was happening to someone else. Someone else's body, someone else's boyfriend, someone else's life. He didn't even use protection.

I tried to think about you, down in the pool house, so far away, so oblivious, so kind. But the pain brought me back again and again, until finally, he was groaning into my ear and rolling off of me. I looked away as he fixed his clothes. And then, like it has been a gentle lovemaking, he fixed my clothes too.

"You're bleeding," he said, his voice surprised. He kissed me on the cheek, left the room. Like I'd said yes after all.