ETHEREAL | OUTSIDERS

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ-ᴏɴᴇ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

♪ : i fall apart — post malone

❝ i'm really lost. ❞

( warning ; mentions of suicide )

I RAN AS fast as my legs could carry me. Although it was the middle of the school day, I couldn't stay there any longer. It was horrible, completely horrible.

I wasn't with anyone else, Johnny, Two-bit, nor Ponyboy. I ran on the sidewalk, rushing to get back to my house, not my actual house. The door was always unlocked, so I had nothing to worry about.

Rushing to open the gate, I fumbled with it and the screen door. As soon as the doors shut, I sunk to the floor. Nothing was going good for me. I felt useless, down, not like me. It didn't help that Tessa was making my life a living Hell.

I sobbed, slowly making my way to Ponyboy's room. I took out a piece of paper and a pen. I started writing down all my feelings, what was on my mind. If I couldn't tell it to others then I might as well write it down.

It was almost painful to think about, I was writing down my pains, my insecurities, my possible suicide note. Everything was going so fast, my hands knew exactly what to write.

"It never came to me that I was a sad person. I thought I was a normal teen, not depressed, but not ecstatically happy. Downhill is all my life went, though. I'm not sure why though, is it the feeling of me being useless? The fact that I feel like a burden on everyone? Or is it my insecurities, my faults and flaws? There's always a good and bad to someone, I can't find one good thing about me, though."

My tears spilled onto the page, making small splotches of water on the page. I started to ramble, and began an actual note on the other side.

"This note was never to be seen, read, or used. It was a plan B, and I guess my plan A didn't go well. The thing is, I can't think of one time that my friends called me a burden, but I felt it. I felt eyes on me, burning to my heart. Judging stares laid their attention onto me. So, my last want of attention is this; for help. Please help. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself, I don't know what exactly I'm looking for, but I hope whoever is reading this gives me a purpose. I'm really lost. I'm really sad, and I don't have an outlet. No reason to plug myself into socializing and meeting new people. So, if I do it, just know I'll be at the one place I'm okay with, where water runs." I dropped the pen, and fell back onto the bed.

I didn't have energy to put the note away, and didn't even think about it. The other feeling of comfort, was falling asleep, so I went to my last temporary resort, sleeping.